Between God the Devil and our very Souls
by andromida1964
Summary: Carlisle and Bella went from being best friends to falling in Love only to be kept apart by relgious beliefs. Bella and Carlisle go through far to much only to have to let go. But fate steps in after years of being apart. Will they have their HEA ?
1. Chapter 1

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter One

The Short Version in Part

Carlisle Cullen and I were best friends from the time we were two years old. We did everything together. Well everything except go to church because Rene had her own opinions about all of that. She wanted me to be able to make up my own mind about God and religion. But at seven Carlisle told me that if I didn't want to go to hell that he needed to baptize me. He was my very best friend and I didn't want to burn forever in hell with that devil guy that was red with the pointed ears and a pitchfork laughing at me while I was there. I let Carlisle put his hand on my head and he prayed and I repented and then he put me in a mud whole because that was all we had to work with. But Carlisle said that God wouldn't mind and that now we would be in heaven someday together as well.

Looking back now I'm not sure what sins I could have been washing away at seven and I chuckle about the innocence of it all. Carlisle wanted to be a preacher when he grew up just like his father. I just wanted to be with Carlisle and jump in the mud holes with him. I would have ended up understanding about God and all that when I got older. Just like whenever I turned sixteen I understood that I was in Love with Carlisle and had been from the time I was fourteen.

I never got the chance to tell him or find out if he had the same ones, although I suspected he did, when his mom and dad made a visit to my house. They informed my parents and me that they didn't want Carlisle and I together anymore. They pulled Carlisle out of school and enrolled him into a Christian school in town. He had changed rooms after that and his sister now occupied his old room. She waved sometimes. They would come and go out of the garage so that I could never see anything more than the top of Carlisle's blonde head of hair as his head was always bowed low.

I was only sixteen at the time and I couldn't understand what I had done that was so horrible that they took the only man I truly loved away from me. I beat myself up for awhile. Then I shouted for awhile. Then I decided that I had saved myself for nothing and I went wild. Then I tried to kill myself and I left Carlisle a note. That was it for my mother. After coming so close to losing me I heard she marched over to their house and demanded to be let in and demanded to see Carlisle so she could give him my note. She put it in his hand personally and stood there and watched him read every word. She said Carlisle broke down in sobs and ran to his room.

By that time we were seventeen I was still recovering and was put on some standard medication until I was eighteen. It and the counseling that I got helped me deal. I was going off to Washington State soon. I heard Carlisle was going to college in New York somewhere to become a doctor. He's going to make a great doctor with all of his compassion and faith. I was happy for him and I had accepted the fact that I was never going to be with him so I had been going on with my life. But I thought of him often and really didn't date because I just didn't want to honestly. That's what I told myself anyhow.

Right out of college I got a job teaching. I love the children and I often wonder if Carlisle and I would have had our own little Cullen's by now.

I was in a car accident year's later close to Forks and Carlisle was the doctor on call that night when fate stepped back into our lives. But we'll get to that later. I want to start a little closer to the beginning of things in more detail.

Oh by the way my name is Bella Swan and this is the story of my life time and my love for Carlisle. It consists of friendship, love, loss of love and hopefully our happily ever after. It still remains to be seen.


	2. Chapter 2

Not taking from Mrs. Meyers just messing with her characters

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter Two

Toddles till Eleven

Carlisle and I met at my kiddy pool when he toddled over cackling at the splashing water. Every time I would splash him he would let out another big cackle. His mother came after him and tapped his butt and he cried. I got mad and I went over and hugged him and he stopped crying and smiled again. He was still looking back and smiling as his mother pulled him away. No at two I can't remember this myself. Rene told me but I can imagine it clearly in my own mind.

Carlisle's mother finally gave up on keeping him out of our yard after his sister was born. Rene would tell her he'd be fine and promise not to let him get into any trouble. Their ideas of what trouble was were very different though. I had the coolest mom. Carlisle had told me so. She would feed us lunch and then let us have chocolate. Sometimes she would give us soda. Sometimes she would let us climb trees. That was a big no, no for Carlisle because his mother didn't want him to break an arm or leg. He fell out of trees all the time and Rene would just clean him up and put her finger to her lips and say shhhh so he wouldn't tell his mom.

I of course fell out of that same tree once and broke my wrist. I remember Carlisle's mom giving him the 'see why I told you to stay out of that tree Carlisle I was protecting you from what Bella is going through' speech as she looked at my mother. Rene just smiled a toothy grin back at her. Yep she was the cool mother. I cried a lot with my wrist and Carlisle tried to pet me as best he could. He petted me like I was a dog. But I took comfort in it and he signed my cast first. I was all the rage at school the next day and Carlisle played boss over who could sign my cast and when. Even then he looked out for me. I think we were about seven that year.

At ten years old we were still holding hands but we had stopped skipping. Everyone was calling us boyfriend and girlfriend. We figured that we were because we were friends and a boy and a girl. I remember how his hair would get even lighter in the summertime and his blue eyes would twinkle. He was taller than I was at that point and I had started looking up into his eyes. I remember noticing for a fleeting moment just how handsome Carlisle Cullen truly was and my stomach did a little flip flop.

At Eleven My body started to change once I noticed I tried to hide it from Carlisle because I caught him staring a couple of times. Rene told me that it wasn't a bad thing that my body was just going through changes of becoming a woman and that Carlisle would adjust as well. I was always so paranoid when I was having my period. I always felt like everyone knew. Then one day it finally happened. We were at school and Carlisle noticed blood on my white pants.

"Bella I think you need to call your mom and get a change of clothes." He said all red faced.

"What are you talking about? Why would I need clothes?" I huffed

He ran his hand over his face thinking. Then he took me by the hand and led me around a corner of the school. He looked like he was going to die of embarrassment.

"Bella I know it's probably hard to have a guy for a best sometimes. I guess this might be considered one of those times. But I feel like I have to say something so I'm just going to say this, ok?"

"Say what Carlisle?"

"You have blood on your pants. There I said it. Call Renee before anyone notices."

I ran as fast as I could run. I thought that if I ran fast enough that Carlisle wouldn't be able to catch me. But his legs were a lot longer than mine and he caught me and held me in his arms as I cried. He told me there was no reason to be upset because it was just him and that we had known each other forever. He soothed me like no one else could. Then he walked me to the office and he called my mother for me. By the time she got there Carlisle had me laughing by doing an impression of one of our teachers.

Carlisle fixed everything just like he had always tried to do. There was that feeling in my stomach again.


	3. Chapter 3

Only using Mrs. Meyers characters

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter three

Fourteen to sixteen

Over the summer between middle school and high school Carlisle changed a lot. His voice changed, his body shot way up and he got hair on his face. I wondered if he had hair on his chest as well because he wore shirts all the time. His parents were very strict after all. We walked into high school together and every head turned to look at him and I got mad at him for it.

"Why is everyone staring at you?" I huffed

"How should I know Bella?" He had a tone, Oh my god Carlisle Cullen had just gotten a tone with me.

"Why are you getting a tone with me then?" I asked

"Because your acting weird, Bella. You act Like I did something wrong."

"But Carlisle I don't want other girls looking at you like that."

"Like What, Bella?"

"They look like they want to kiss you." I said as a tear ran down my face. Carlisle hugged me close and wiped the tear away with his thumb and then he chuckled.

"Bella are you jealous?"

"No, maybe, I'm going to the bathroom. I'll see you at lunch."

"Okay." He said chuckling again and adding. "You are so cute when get jealous."

I stuck my tongue out at him and then he did the same to me. I laughed as I shut the door. I shouldn't be acting jealous. He's my best friend after all.

I rushed into the lunchroom after class to find my best buddy only to see him surrounded by three girls giggling and flirting. There comes that green feeling again. He waved me over to sit with them. For the first time in my life I hated being introduced as his best friend. I knew what these bitches wanted and I wasn't going to stand by and let then corrupt Carlisle and all his goodness. At least that's what I told myself as I blurted out with a big wicked smile to the one called Irina. "Did you know that Carlisle is going to be a preacher?"

Irina looked at Carlisle shocked "Really?"

Oooops, I think I'm in trouble again….he he.

Carlisle smiled and said "Bella can I talk to you in private for a moment?" as he stood from our table. Carlisle and I had our first real argument. We both got our points across though.

"Bella, why would you bring that up in front of my new friends?" He ran his hand over his face like he does when he's flustered.

"Why Carlisle, don't you want to be a preacher anymore? I thought it was something you were proud of." I said while gutting my chin forward.

"This is high school Bella people don't need to know something that important."

"Okay so let me get this straight God is too important for high school?

"No Bella that's not what I meant at all."He looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his and he was mad. "My loving the lord had nothing to do with why you blurted that out. It was for your benefit and not mine. You were using my religious beliefs for your benefit because you were jealous again."

Guess he's got me there.

"Who are you Bella? You would never have done something like that to me before today. Why have you turned on me? Just explain this to me because I don't understand, the truth, Bella."

"Your mine and I don't want to share you with a bunch of sluts who only want to get into your pants."

His mouth dropped open. "How can you stand there and judge people that you don't even know?"

"Possibly the same way that you're judging someone you do know right now Carlisle."

He shook his head "I can't believe this out of you."

"Well that makes two of us. I'll tell you what I'll do. I will leave you alone for a couple of weeks and then you tell me exactly how many of those sluts try to get in your pants, Deal?"

"Bella you're just being ridiculous. It's not that way."

"It is that way, wake up and smell the sluts Carlisle."

"Bella stop crying."

"Then stop hurting me." I sobbed. "Two weeks Carlisle those girls know what they're doing. They won't save themselves for marriage like I have, Two weeks" and I walked off.

I didn't talk to Carlisle at all. I saw him in his window at night doing his homework and saying his prayers. I saw him in school and of course at least one of those girls was always with him. Trying to hold onto his arm with a big 'pick me grin'. It made me feel sick.

Irina saw me watching and kissed him on the check. Carlisle looked flattered. I guess maybe I really didn't know him all that well after all.

Carlisle approached me in the lunch line after a week of not talking to me.

"Bella, I wanted to say that I was sorry about our argument last week. Will you forgive my arrogance?" He said sincerely.

"There's nothing to forgive but please forgive mine to. I missed you" I said sweetly

"Do you want to get a table together so that we can sit and talk? It's been a long week without you in it Bella"

We had just gotten sat down and were grinning at each other from ear to ear when Irina and Kate sat down with us. I know they did this on purpose.

"Carlisle, why are you sitting with her again? Slumming today?" Kate laughed at her little jab.

"Bella is my best friend and that's that. There's no need to insult her…ever."

"I thought I was going to be your new best friend, sweetie."

"No Irina I told you that Bella is."

"You can have more than one you know. After what happened between us the other day Carlisle I thought we were past all of this pretending."

I had never seen Carlisle so red in the face before. I had to ask

"What happened?"

Carlisle didn't answer but Irina was more than happy to fill me in.

"Well Bella." Carlisle glared at her with a warning look but she went right on ahead with her little story. "Carlisle and I got a little carried away while kissing and the next thing I knew I was going down on that tasty big treat that he has hiding in his pants. I want to taste it again Carlisle." She giggled

"Carlisle can we go outside and eat before I lose my food on someone's shoes."

He stood up and took my hand and led me out the door. I never said anything about what Irina said at that point. I knew he needed time to deal with it and saw it as a sin. The only thing I did finally say to him was that God loves him and that made him smile.

Things went back to normal again between us. No more arguments or slutty women. We laughed and joked and watched movies that he wasn't supposed to see because they were rated "R" after all. My sweet sixteen was coming up tomorrow. I was excited, and I was in love with my preacher boy. I was pretty sure that he was feeling the same way that I did. He was looking at me differently. His blue eyes were twinkling and staring into mine a lot lately. It has to be love.


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter four

Birthdays and Goodbyes

Carlisle came early for my party. My mom made him wear a silly hat and gave him a party blower. He looked happier than I had ever seen him and I had a feeling that he was in love with me to. We went to my room and he handed me my presents.

"Bella, I wanted you to open these in private. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to get you so I ended up getting you more than one present." He was smiling that big bright smile of his and his whole face was lit up by that alone. "Okay open this one first it's the funny one." He said while handing me the oddly shaped package.

I tore into the package and we both laughed. "I love Elmo, Carlisle" It was a pair of fuzzy slippers. I giggled and slipped them on my feet.

"Here open the second one" Carlisle said while handing me a rectangular box. I tore into it and in it was a maroon bible with my name engraved on it.

"Carlisle you shouldn't have spent this much money on me."

"Well I know your mom wants you to make up your own mind about religious things and God. I thought maybe some reading material might help you with that. Maybe you could come to church with me and see how I believe, you know for experimental purposes." He grinned. I hugged him so tight and he hugged me back just as tightly. Our faces touched and I let out an audible sigh. He looked at me with softness and placed his hand on my cheek. Then he Eskimo kissed me with his nose. It felt so nice and made my stomach flip flop. When I opened my eyes his eyes were still closed. I was smiling wide when he looked up at me. "Bella" Was all that he said.

Then he handed me my third and final present. I opened it and it was a beautiful necklace that had my name on it. He said he had to order it out of a magazine because my name was so rare.

"It almost didn't get here in time. It only arrived this morning." He said

I hugged him again and thanked him over and over for the gifts. He helped me put my necklace on and then we went back downstairs with the rest of my family and friends.

Everyone showed up and I had a great time then my parents presented me with an old red truck. It wasn't much but hey, it kept me off the school bus and I loved it. Carlisle hopped in and we went for a long drive. We talked and laughed about everything. He told me he wanted to become a doctor now. He wanted to help people and I encouraged that. I believed he could do anything that he set his mind to after all. We pulled into my driveway and he leaned over and kissed my cheek and hugged me so tight I thought I might pop. The last thing he said to me before he got out was "Happy Birthday, Bella" and he smiled that pretty white smile of his, winked and went home.

The next day he wasn't at school. I thought it was strange because he never missed a day and he seemed fine last night. When I got home Rene announced that Carlisle's parents were coming over at five to talk with our family. I wondered if it was just going to be his parents. I worried that something bad had happened. Why else would they visit? Something must have happened. I had myself so worked up into a frenzy that I was ready to cry by the time the doorbell finally rang. I opened the door and motioned them into the living room to sit down. I offered them a drink but they refused and said they just needed to talk to us about a decision that they had made concerning their son and that they only thought it fair that we should hear it from them.

So I finally sat down waiting. His Father Carlisle senior started talking first. "As you all are surely aware of we have very high hopes for both of our children. We want them to work in the ministry that we have spent out lives building. We have allowed Carlisle the friendship with your daughter Bella up until this point because his feelings for her as his best friend were strong and what could a best friend hurt, right?

"And now" Rene stated.

"You have to understand Rene that this is nothing against your family. We just want a different kind of life for our children" Amanda Cullen started. We feel that Carlisle is now distracted from his rightful path by Bella."

I jumped up screaming "You want to keep us apart....mom they want to keep us apart.... make it stop, dad please... help me, please I love him." I was now crying crocodile tears and sobbing in between my words. I was trembling from the fear that arose throughout my whole body.

"Bella don't you want the best for your best friend?" Amanda asked

"Of course I do."

"Then stop being so selfish." She stated harshly

"What? I'm selfish? How do you get that Mrs. Cullen? You get to be with the man you love every night. Does that make you selfish?"

"Bella" dad soothed "calm down baby."

"No" Rene stood up "I would like an answer to that myself Mrs. Cullen. Are you selfish for being with the one you love?" Then she jutted her chin out and put her hands on her hips. So that's where I got that.

"No, I am not selfish Mrs. Swan at least not until it comes to my children. I want them to have the best in life and if I were being honest then I would have to say that your daughter falls far short of were Carlisle's standards should be."

"That's it" Charlie yelled "you will not come into my house and speak to my daughter like that. Get out, now." He yelled

"No Dad…. Carlisle, I need him please daddy, fix this… I can't breathe without him." I fell on my knees and begged my father. He rubbed the tears from my face and looked at me with as much hurt as I was feeling. It was as if he was feeling my pain.

"Reverend, I'm sure there is no reason to keep my daughter away from your son they have a bond you know." Rene cut in then. "Those two have been together from two years old. I have had your son in my house since he was two Amanda. I have spent hours upon hours watching him grow up and looking after him just as much as I have my own daughter. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for that boy. He's spent so much time here he feels like he's part my son as well. You're hurting all of us with this. I love Carlisle to" Rene was crying as well now.

"What about Carlisle, does he know what you've come over here to do?" I said through sobs.

"He knew when he came in last night. He has been told that he is not to see you again. His sister has been made to change rooms with him so that there are no longing looks and he and his sister have been enrolled in an all Christian school. I don't want you upsetting him in any way Bella. I won't have it. No one will stand in his path and hinder his walk. God will look out for him and God will choose him a wife someday. Just like God handpicked mine. We are of the same mind, my wife and I. Something I'm sure Charlie that you wouldn't understand being that you can't keep your household in order." With that the good reverend stood up.

I walked up to him and looked him in the eyes "Will you please tell Carlisle that I love him and I miss him?" He refused me. "I feel that a clean break is what's needed for the healing process to begin. Bella, I don't mean to sound unkind but I have disapproved of your friendship for years. I knew this day would have to come." He sighed

"Why, because of our faith?" I asked in a strangled voice

"No because of your lack of faith. Because your mother insists that you make up your own mind about things in life rather than teaching you the right way herself. It's your parent's job to raise you in either the ways of the world or the ways of God. She made your choice for you."

Rene jumped up into his face at that point. "Don't you try and tell me how to raise my daughter. People have the right to make up their own minds. I know for a fact that Bella believes in God."

"I DO, Carlisle knows that I do." I interrupted

"Well I am the head of my household and although everyone has their input in decisions the final one is mine. This is final; Carlisle will abide by what I say as long as he lives under my roof. I am responsible for my family and their very souls. Charlie is the responsible adult male in this family." He stared accusingly at my father.

"I resent that Mr. Cullen. I look out for my family with their best interests at heart. I know what the bible says about the man being the head of the household. I also know that it says not far below that verse that the husband should love his wife as he loves himself. This, Mr. Cullen, interprets that I should love Rene as much as myself and treat her the way I would want to be treated so I do you see, she is my equal." With that my father pointed at the door and they left.

I fell on my knees and my mom held me and told me words that were meant to comfort me. She told me no one could hold true love down for long and that Carlisle and I were meant to be together. She tried to sooth me but this was something I could only work through myself. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. It would be the first night of many that this would happen. I mourned the loss of Carlisle. It felt like a death him being taken from me so suddenly. The emptiness consumed me and it felt as though darkness took over. My hopes and dreams for the future had been stripped away from me in a few short minutes in time. I didn't bother to dress myself up anymore. It wasn't like I would see him anyway. I cried at school. I cried at home. I even cried in my sleep. Then one day I just closed my curtains.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter five

Fighting a Losing Battle

I left my curtains closed for a couple of months. The nightmares started soon after I closed them. I was always screaming for Carlisle to come to me. I would run toward a shadow that I knew was him. I never made it to him though someone always stopped me before I could get there. Carlisle would drop his head and walk away, defeated. No matter how many different ways the dreams would start they always ended the same way.

Before I realized it another month had passed since I had seen any part of Carlisle Cullen other than the top of his head when they left for church. It was always bowed low. Three whole months had flown by. How can they keep him so under control like that? Did all those years get erased from his memory that easily? How can he not try to see me somehow? I just couldn't understand it we were so close.

I came home one day and Rene had re arranged my room and opened the curtains and the window saying the room needed to air out. She even got me a huge dream catcher and had it hanging over my bed. I actually smiled because the dreams were exhausting and I could use the help. I watched some T.V. with my family after dinner then afterward I sat down at my desk. I felt a breeze blow through my hair and I closed my eyes and breathed in. I could almost smell Carlisle. I could almost feel him close to me. I wondered if he missed me as much as I did him. I kept hoping that he would come back to me soon. Sneak out maybe and, I don't know, anything. But he never did.

Two weeks later I woke up to another bad dream screaming for Carlisle. My mom burst into my room and I sat up in her arms and sobbed. She rocked me back and forth like a small child. I found comfort in my mother's arms these days. After I had settled back down she stood up.

"Oh my Bella look out your window." I looked and there stood Carlisle and his sister looking out her window. He looked so upset and so did she for that matter, did I scream that loud? She said something to him and he nodded. He climbed down a tree and Rene went to the door and let him in. He was in my room in a matter of minutes running to me and holding me in a tight embrace.

"Bella it kills me when I hear you scream my name like that. I'm so tired of being kept away from you." His voice started to crack. "I never wanted things to end this way Bella I always thought we would be together forever."

"So did I, So did I." I sobbed and held onto him tighter "All these years I saved myself for you and I had started thinking I was never going to be with you again. I Love you, always you."

Now we were both crying.

"I love you too Bella but my parents are determined that I am going to marry a woman of our faith. I don't even like her but it doesn't seem to matter what I want or how I feel anymore. I'm sure God would never want me to feel so oppressed and lonely. The day I turn eighteen Bella, I'm leaving this place and going away to college somewhere to be a doctor. They can't stop me then."

I held on tighter to him just feeling him close smelling his scent and enjoying his touch. "I'll wait Carlisle, forever if I have to." I promised

"No Bella my parents will never allow it." He looked at me with tear filled eyes. "You need to let go of me and live your life. I don't want you to be in pain over me. I'm not worth it, Bella. When I leave I will be disowned by my parents. I won't be able to come back here again. Do you understand that, sweetheart? You need to go on with your life, No more bad dreams because of me. No more depression, Bella, not over me. I'm not worth it" he was trembling throughout his whole body at that point and what he was saying was scaring me. I couldn't lose him forever this way.

"But I Love You, doesn't that mean anything to you at all?" I said pleadingly

"It means more than you'll ever know or understand, sweetheart. Never in this equation of love was there supposed to be this much pain for either of us."

"So you're just giving up, just like that?" He touched my face and looked deep into my eyes." Bella I'm not giving up on you, I have given up on me. I'm tired of the struggle with my parents all the time. That's why I'm leaving here. I won't be able to take care of myself so you have to understand that I can't take care of us. I couldn't stand to see you go without. I would hate myself for it. I already hate myself more then you could ever know or understand. I'm not the same person that you knew three months ago. The constant arguing and struggle with my parents and not knowing what the right thing to do is has changed me. I can't win with them; sometimes I think that they hate me. I feel like I'm damaged within my heart. I don't understand why God would want to keep us apart. But that's what my dad thinks is the right thing in God's eyes. I'm so confused that I don't even know who I am anymore or what I believe. I need to find my way and that will take time. You understand right?"

"I understand that I have to let you go again." Please God let me be wrong, don't let this happen to me.

"Yes" he said in a regretful tone.

"Well I can grant you that wish. I'll go on with my life. I'll go out, get drunk and give away my virginity to the first guy who wants it because you sure as hell don't." Maybe threats would work.

He was looking in my eyes now not quiet believing that I would say something like this. "Bella please don't say things like that."

"I promise you Carlisle that I'll do it, unless you want to take me right now." I shouted.

"Bella what are you saying?" He said half surprised and half curious.

"Well if you want me not to give it up to some other guy, you had better give it up yourself. Do you want me or not Carlisle because I can't take this anymore?" I started sobbing again. "It hurts so much to be without you. There's nothing I wouldn't do to be with you. I'll do anything, anything. Do you understand that? I'm desperate here I can't lose you."

"Bella, I"

My mom poked her head in the room. "Carlisle, your father is here for you"

Carlisle turned to the doorway and back to me again before he heard his father yell from downstairs.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, my father……"

"Oh great, just go and don't worry about me or my bad dreams anymore. My heart just can't take it, leave"

Carlisle grabbed me then and kissed me with such a natural passion that it took my breath away and he still kept kissing me. His father yelled up the stairs once more and our kiss broke. "Goodbye, Bella." And once again he was gone.

I'll show you Carlisle Cullen. I can fight just as dirty as anyone else can. I will get you back and I'll never let you go. I will fight your parents, God or the devil for that matter, for your love.

I closed the door and lay back down to a sleepless night. But at least this way the nightmares would be gone.

A/N in the upcoming chapter Bella will start fighting to win back Carlisle's attention. I bet she gets some attention to.

Well, if you like this story then please click review so I know what you might be thinking or feeling. Tell me your thoughts and what you would like to possibly see happen. Thanks, Diane


	6. Chapter 6

I own nothing

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter six

Bella fights back

A month has gone by and I haven't even seen the top of Carlisle's head as they go to church. I didn't see him in the car at all. My mother had told me that his father had grabbed him by the collar and Carlisle had jerked away from his grasp with a look that could kill that last night I had seen him. It was strange knowing that Carlisle would do that to his father it was so out of his personality. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't the same person that I had known before. Maybe it was my entire fault. Maybe I was as selfish as his mother accused me of being.

But I started taking Carlisle up on the promises I had made him. I knew somewhere in that house someone was watching me, I could feel it. So, one day I got up and put on a nice little slutty skirt and a low cut top with high heels that made my short little legs look long. I was going to get his attention one way or another. I guess this was the 'or other'. I fixed my hair and put on a little make-up for effect. "Time to get my man back", I told myself.

My old truck was parked on the side between our houses in front of one of their windows. I walked over and found that it was rather difficult to climb in with high heels on. I hope I don't make a fool of myself and end up in the ER again.

So I somehow managed to get in without my panties showing though not by much. Then I reached down to get my book bag. I had purposely left it on the ground, showing off my low cut top and swinging my hair around while lifting it in and trying to look sexy and seductive all the while. 'Take that Carlisle Cullen'. I said to myself as I shut my door. I turned up some hard rock music that I'm sure his mom and dad would hate, I revved my engine for effect. I knew Carlisle was watching me, I could feel him.

I went to school and was amazed to find out how much attention that I was getting from the opposite sex. I enjoyed it probably more than my broken heart should have. I got invited to a couple of parties over the weekend. I even dropped a couple of guys off while I was on my way home. I was actually looking forward to telling my mom about the day I had.

When I pulled in, Carlisle came barreling out of his house and toward the truck with those piercing mad, blue eyes looking straight at me. He slung open the door and pulled me out. I almost hit my face because of my heels. But he put both arms around me and caught me. I swear I think I saw steam coming out of his ears.

"Where have you been your late?" He spat

"Well I was dropping some friends off if you must know." I said gutting out my chin.

"Were they male or female friends?"

"What?"

"You heard me male or female because as far as I know I was the only friend you ever had. But judging by your little outfit I would bet every penny that I had that it was male. Oh and look doesn't that necklace that I got you go just, I don't know what the word is? 'Swell' with those high heels. You've learned to accessorize Bella. I bet your momma is proud." He yelled

"Well I'm damn sure your momma won't be proud of my outfit will she? But then again she wouldn't be too proud to know that you go for girls who like to wrap their lips around that big, juicy cock of yours, now would she?" I all but laughed.

"Well you look like the part today Bella, shall I pull it out for you?"

I blushed, "No"

"No because you don't even know what one looks like do you?"

"Don't worry about my lack of experience big boy, I'm sure that will change over the week end and after a few more parties I bet I can be a pro just like your little Irina was."

Damn now he looks like he could kill me. He pushed me up against my truck and placed his big hands on both sides of my head, and when he talked he spit he was so mad.

"You are in such a hurry to get something you've never even seen before little girl."

"I am not a little girl." I spat now just as angry as he was.

He rubbed his middle up against me and I gasped, something was big and hard against my stomach and he was rubbing it purposely against me.

"Do you even know what that is?"

"Um, yeah I'm pretty sure I can figure it out, thanks." Now I just felt week in the knees and I started to drop down. He pulled me up back up.

"What's wrong Isabella?" He spat looking me in the eyes again which didn't help.

"N n nothing." I stuttered out.

"Good because I'm not done with you yet." He pressed his chest up against mine and let out a low groan in my ear. His hands moved down around my waist and he pulled me even tighter if that were even possible. Then he grabbed my ass and massaged it while kissing my neck and lightly sucking on it. I gasped at the sensation of it all. My panties started to pool with wetness.

"Your parents are standing on the side walk watching you Carlisle you better stop."

"No, I'm giving you what you're asking for and I don't care who see's. You wanna dress like a slut then I will treat you like one."

"Don't say that."

"But that's what you are now, right? Wearing sexy clothes and taking boys home. Sounds to me like you're ready to get something stuck between your legs. I wouldn't be such a bad candidate now would I sweetheart?" he said in a soothing voice into my ear. "After all you were saving it for me weren't you? It's only right that I should go first."

"Stop it Carlisle. You're… scaring me…..STOP… I yelled and started to cry.

He released me then and stepped back a little. "Don't let me catch you dressed like that again. You think that I scare you. Try going to a party with drunken people there. They won't stop like I will, Isabella. Now go in the house and burn that outfit or I will." He turned and walked off still mad as hell. His parents said nothing but he did say something to them. "You caused this, all of this!"

I went inside and cried. I have never been more scared of Carlisle Cullen than I was in those few minutes or more turned on for that matter. I only want him; I don't have much longer to change his mind about leaving me. What can I do to make him want to stay with me? "I want him back" I sobbed.

My mom tried to explain to me that he was only trying to scare me away from boys who might hurt me. "Bella your first time should be special and with someone you love."

"I know that mom but what can I do he thinks I'm some sort of easy slut now. I think I might have gone too far this time. I think I might have messed up and there's no going back."

"He knows your heart still belongs to him honey. He still wants you; this is hurting him as well. Can you even imagine how helpless he feels where you're concerned? He's not even supposed to be around you. His parents are holding an iron fist over him right now. I guess all he can really do is pray that he doesn't lose you because of it." She sighed.

"Then why doesn't he stand up for me to them, mom? Why doesn't he fight for us?" I wiped a tear away.

"Bella we don't know what goes on inside that house. You really can't assume that he doesn't. He's acting in a way that I've never seen before baby, he's afraid of losing the only girl he has ever been in love with." Rene said while wiping the hair off my cheeks and tucking it behind my ears. "Give it some more time, judging by his reaction today I would say he's scared more then possessive. Even though it may have came off differently."

"Mom he rubbed his, himself on me."

Mom let out a hardly laugh, "Well I guess he was marking his territory then, wasn't he?"

"Mom stop laughing." I said, and then I started laughing as well. It was kind of funny I guess.

"You know Carlisle better than anyone, Bella. It's just a matter of learning which buttons to push and when. Love isn't always something that comes easily. Sometimes you have to fight hard for the one you want. Carlisle is an easy battle on his own to win, he already loves you. But his parents as a united front against him and you, well I would say that's a whole other battle altogether." She kissed my forehead and walked away, smiling.

I have a lot to think about once more. I saw a side of Carlisle that I have never seen before today and I actually liked it.


	7. Chapter 7

Everything belongs to SM….I own nothing

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter Seven

I Can't Take Anymore

I went back to school the next day after our big confrontation. Feeling like shit for upsetting Carlisle like I had but hoping that maybe he would stand up to his parents for me, for us. It didn't happen though and come Friday I was ready to try something to get his attention again.

The hurt and rejection that I am feeling at this point are almost more than I can bear. My heart, my very soul cries out for a man who is turning into a stranger, right before my very eyes. I've never felt this helpless; hopeless, I'm so very lonely. He's the other part of me, my now missing part. I miss his touch, his voice, the way he walks even. I'm really confused as to why he said he loves me yet does nothing to fight for us. It feels as though I am the one feeling all of the effects of losing him. I try and make good on my promises that I made him after I let him go, then he flips out on me, starts yelling at me, scaring me and turning me on all at once. I was still confused about those emotions. He sure seems to know how that part had affected me though. I wonder if he and Irina had gone further than I had thought.

Mom says that I should go out to a party at least once just for the experience of it. It is my senior year now after all and I won't get to see these people much longer, like I even know them. Mom has spent a lot of time talking to me about Carlisle. She says men are more confusing then woman ever thought about being. I would tend to agree with her on that point for sure. She says he'll come around to just give him time to think. Right now he's confused and pressured about what he knows is right and wrong and what his mind and body long for. I love my mom she always knows what to say to make me feel a little better.

She helped me get ready for Tanya's party. I looked nice not slutty. Nice dress, knee length and a top that covers my girls, one inch heels. Little bit of makeup and some good smelling perfume. I also had a good hair day. I was going to have some fun despite my depression. Maybe I would have a drink just to see what it tastes like. If I have too much I am to call mom or dad. Did I mention I love my dad as well? Sometimes it's good to be the only child.

I got into my truck and got the hell out of Dodge before anyone could stop me. I was smiling and singing along to the radio. I was going to try and keep a positive attitude while there. Take my mom's advice for once and just try and be a typical teenager.

I got there and I was welcomed even by Irina and Kate. I guess they felt sorry for me. "Have you tried calling him, Bella?" Irina said while handing me my first beer. I must have made a face at the taste; she giggled and said "you'll get used to it and maybe even like it."

"Okay if you say so." I replied a little doubtfully

"So Bella have you called?" She repeated

"I haven't called that house since his parents told me I wasn't good enough for their son." Did I really just say that out loud?

Kate gasps and cut in "they said that to your face…Oh. My. God." She said while shaking her head back and forth. "That's just fucked up, Bella."

I downed that nasty tasting beer and replied "Yep that's what they said in so many words." Kate handed me another one.

"Well I can't believe that he would just ignore you. I thought Carlisle said you had been best friends since you were like toddlers or something. That was the reason he gave me when he picked you over me that day in class. I didn't think anyone or anything would come between the two of you." Irina stated matter-of-factly. "I guess I was wrong, parents" She huffed

"Neither did I Irina. He said he loved me but that I should forget him, some bullshit about giving up on himself and leaving when he turns eighteen, which is in four months and three days, not that I'm counting. Can I get another beer please?" One of the girls handed me another. This beer stuff tastes better after a couple, I thought. "Then I get dressed up for school the other day to make him jealous" I swallowed another long gulp. "When I get home he pins me against my truck and rubs his cock on me. Talking about how I was a little girl and shit. He even hit my truck." I said feeling a little pissed about things now.

"Carlisle did that, Oh My God, Bella." Irina laughed "I would have paid good money to see the preacher boy come undone like that."

"It doesn't matter I haven't seen him since that evening. Where's the beer I think I like it now." I was starting to feel the effects of it a little more. Before long I had drank six beers. Not bad for a first timer. I tried my hand at dancing or maybe I should say my feet. I had really started to unwind and enjoy myself. Then Carlisle's name came back into the conversation.

"That's it I think we should call him and give him a piece of _your_ mind." Kate laughed.

I laughed to, things were a lot funnier with a beer in your hand and this girl bonding wasn't so bad either. Maybe I had been missing out all these years. These bitches were pissed and on my side, _Girl Power_. Tanya picked up her cell phone "what's his number Bella? I'm going to kick his ass for hurting you. Leading you on since you was two. Fuck him in his right ear." Ok, now I was just scared for Carlisle.

"I think I need to call my parents and go home ladies. I don't feel so good."

"Well you are a lightweight. Why don't you just spend the night here, Tanya said smiling. "There's plenty of room."

I called my parents and they were just happy that I was making friends I think. I told them I would be home early. Than Tanya took me upstairs to her parent's room and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next day I had only a slight headache but I smelt like beer. Everyone was still sleeping so I left a thank you note and went home. I pulled in my drive way only to see Carlisle coming my way, mad-again. I can't deal with this my head hurts.

I opened the door and just glared at him in warning.

He glared back at me with that look that told me, my look didn't scare him one bit.

"Carlisle just don't freaking start with me this morning I'm not in the mood for it."

"Really? you smell like beer." He said while sniffing at me, sniffing. "It's true then, you _were_ partying last night?" he said, accusing me.

"How do you know what I was doing?" I crossed my arms and challenged him.

"Well it seems that drunken girls like calling our home phone, Bella. During the middle of the night, informing me that _I_ am a bastard." He informed while shaking his head in disappointment. "They accused me of leading you on since you were two? TWO, BELLA?" He yelled at me.

"I never said that Carlisle you know me better than that." I said while holding my head. Feeling offended that he could believe such lies.

"I thought I did but it seems your new friends know you better than I do." He spat bitterly.

"That was your choice." I said calmly still holding my head.

"They also said that you had plenty of men to keep you company last night." He stated with an 'I know everything you did' attitude.

"Yeah right" I said while blowing my hair out of my face with my mouth. "Carlisle I don't feel like this right now." But he was just getting started, fuck.

"They said you were in bed with a guy and groaning because it felt so good. I never thought you would do something like that Bella. Did you even know him?" He looked cold as he stood there pushing his sleeves up his arms.

"They were lying Carlisle." I pled

"I think not Bella; maybe you were just too wasted to remember." He said with his arms to his side and his fists balled up tightly.

"Well I feel sure that I would have remembered that part considering I am a virgin. There would have been blood I'm sure. Another thing Carlisle you worry too much about my virginity. You don't even speak to me unless you think I've done something sinful. I'm not your girl Carlisle, you didn't want me remember? I had no choice given to me by you or for that matter your parents. I'm not good enough for you, remember? 'Cause I certainly do. So go marry your little goody, goody church girl and leave me alone so I can stop _hurting_ over you." I had venom running through my veins at this point. I was starting to get mad myself.

"My dad said that if you stayed out over night that you were with a man. He guarantees it." He spat

"Well what do you think Carlisle?" I asked sarcastically

He took his fist and hit my truck as hard as he could and said "I don't know maybe he was right. Your friends seemed to back it up. Kind of makes you look like a lair, doesn't it?" I looked down and his fingers were scuffed and bleeding. But I said nothing. Tears were flowing down my face. I didn't know this man who had once accused _me_ of being jealous. The same man who yelled at me if I done anything other than sit in my house and cry over him.

"Think what you want to, you will anyway." I said feeling defeated knowing he now believed everyone else over me. I was crying so hard by this time I couldn't even see his face anymore.

"I think you're a whore, Isabella." He looked so hurt and betrayed at this point. I didn't know how to comfort him. How do you comfort someone who already has their mind made up about you anyhow?

"Fine" I cried even harder. "Think what you want to….I don't think you could possibly say anything that would break my heart more than what you just said anyhow."

He just stared at me and before he could say another word my mom was out the door telling him to go home and leave me alone leading me inside the comfort of our home.

I told my mom everything that had happened at the party. I told her everything that Carlisle had said in the driveway, and that he thought I was a whore. She tried to say comforting things to me but I could tell she was pissed at Carlisle.

Later, I went to my room to lay down for awhile. My head was still hurting and I was becoming more and more depressed. I couldn't stand the thought of Carlisle seeing me as a 'whore' so I wrote him a letter- to be delivered to him after I was finished. I took it with me in the bathroom and wrote 'for Carlisle's eyes only'. Come tomorrow I would be just another teenage suicide on page four of the daily news paper. I'm not blaming anybody, especially not Carlisle. The emptiness is just consuming me and I can't seem to pull myself out of this depression I feel. Not having a future with Carlisle or even a friendship now has left me without hope for the future. I know I shouldn't need a man to define who I am. But life without my only true love leaves me needing this release of my soul. The pain will go along with my memories.

I ran the water in the tub before I got in I hollered down to Rene and Charlie "You know I love you, right?"

"Oh course we know Bella. We love you to." Rene replied.

"Bells are you alright?" Charlie hollered back up the stairs. I took a deep breath and tried to sound like I wasn't upset. "Yes dad just gonna get a bath." Wow that was harder than I thought knowing this will be the last time I hear my parents' voices.

"Well hurry up dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."

"Ok mom, I should be done by then." It will all be over soon

I closed the door and prayed the Lord's Prayer. I remembered thinking that I wanted to hear Carlisle's voice one more time. I picked up my cell and called his home number he answered. "Carlisle", I choked out, "I'm so sorry for anything that I ever did to hurt you. I will always love you and I can let you go now, be happy."

"Bella you know my parents wouldn't approve of you calling here especially after your friends…" I just hung up the phone before he could finish. Took a deep breath and said the Lord's Prayer for the second time. Then I did it, I ran the razor over my creamed colored skin and sliced my wrist. I cried out from the pain as I watched the blood start pooling out slowly turning the water red. "God forgive me" I muttered as I slowly started going under. It would be over soon. Life and love are complicated I wasn't strong enough to deal. Sorry world for being the coward that couldn't cope.


	8. Chapter 8

I own nothing….SM owns these characters

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter eight

The Letter

Rene's point of view

One might call it a sixth sense or simply a mother's intuition. However, I had a bad feeling where my baby girl was concerned. I've sensed it for a number of days as of late.

Charlie and I both had a bad feeling about Bella's state of mentality. She hasn't acted right since Carlisle had been absent from her life. She wasn't my Bella any longer, and I had gradually gotten to the point where I hated the 'Cullen's, including Carlisle. Why the boy just wouldn't cut the crap and be with my daughter. Sighs

I knocked on the bathroom door and Bella didn't answer me, so I called her name a couple more times. There was no response from her giving me that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. However, fear engulfed me as I called out her name once more…silence.

I screamed for Charlie and he came running. Tears were streaming down my face. I just knew my daughter was on over load stress wise and something bad was happening. Charlie broke the door down and there lay our daughter with her wrist sliced open. I instantly started slapping her face to try and bring her around. She came around but just barely- the only word that came out of her mouth was a whimpered 'Carlisle'. Always, thinking of that boy, I regret the day I allowed them to play together.

The whole place was lit up with sirens within minutes. They had stopped the bleeding and had Bella stabilized and on a stretcher, moving her down the stairs to the ambulance. It was then that I noticed a letter addressed for Carlisle lying on a towel. I placed it inside my pocket.

After Bella was loaded up I told Charlie to ride with her, and I wouldn't be far behind him. I had a stop to make first. I went to the Cullen's door, and I pounded until my fist bled. This had gone far enough, and I was going to put a stop to this foolishness. Amanda opened the door with a concerned look on her face.

"What's happened Rene? Did something happen to Charlie? We saw the lights flashing and…" I interrupted her; I gritted my teeth and said "I want to see your son right fucking now. I didn't have to wait long he was already down the stairs with big eyes that held fear.

"Bella" he asked as crocodile tears streamed down his cheeks. One look at me, and he knew something bad had happened. "NO, NO, please God no, not my Bella." He pleaded.

I felt for him- but I felt more for my daughter fighting for her life. "She left this note for you before she sliced her wrist Carlisle. I said gritting my teeth trying to control the seething anger that I felt. "I want you to read it in front of me now. He took the letter from my shaking hand and read it sobbing.

"Do you want to read it Rene?"He asked barely above a whisper.

"No it said for your eyes only. I wouldn't disrespect my daughter by going against her wishes right now. I'm going to the hospital and then expect a visit from Charlie and me."

"OK" he whimpered out. "Rene is Bella going to be alright?" he asked sheepishly.

"She's alive and I am thankful for that." I answered as I left slamming the door behind myself.

Carlisle's pov

It all still feels like a dream to me. My thoughts are scrambled and jumping from one extreme to the other. She wouldn't have done something like that to me, to herself. I know I taught her better than that. She knows how I perceive the bible. She had called me not even forty-five minutes ago. I should have known when she hung up on me that something was about to happen. I had feared something was wrong then. I had started praying that she would be ok. That it was just me over reacting to her changing personality recently. I was shocked that she had done this to herself. I had never perceived her as being this fragile. My poor Bella had tried to kill herself and for what, _me_.

Rene hates me; I can see it in her eyes. She was my second mother for all those years. I can see why she would hate me, nonetheless. Bella is her only child after all.

However, the real proof of what happened lies here in the letter that I hold in my hand. I feel so terrible for the pain I have created; part of me wants to slice my own wrist. Nevertheless, I won't do that to her. I wouldn't want her to experience what I am feeling right now. I read the letter again just in case I missed something the first few times.

_Dearest Carlisle,_

_Have you ever loved someone deeply enough that the ache of losing them bears an immeasurable amount of pain? I would rather have no life if it means feeling this way daily, to escape that sense of this loss of Love I feel, I love you that intensely. These past months have been harder on me than you can ever know. I feel like I cry nonstop, and every time I try and take a step forward you are there to remind me that I can't have you, I can't get over you. It feels like every good memory that I have of you, of us, has been over shadowed by this horrific nightmare._

_My heart breaks that you would believe that I would so carelessly sleep with someone I didn't love. You are the only man that I will ever love, the one person I would share my body with, married or not, I would make love to you and never be ashamed of it._

_I hope your fingers are better. I know that sounds silly at a time like this, but if you're going to be a doctor than they need to work correctly, sweetheart. _

_I want you to know that I said my prayers before I did this. I'm sure I'll go to heaven knowing you had baptized me when I was seven, and I have faith in my Carlisle. Faith enough to know that the God you believe in can understand a pain this great. You are my heart, my whole heart. I wish things could have ended differently, but it seems that destiny turned the tables on us. I will not be your girlfriend, wife, mother of your precious babies. I will not know what it was like to make love to you and how beautiful your face is in the mornings when you wake up. I'll never even hand you your coffee on the way out the door when you're late getting to the hospital. However, I will tell you what I do know Carlisle Cullen; any woman who is lucky enough to have your heart will have the most compassionate, loving man in this world. To be honest, I did kind of like it when you were jealous that day. I liked the feel of your body against mine. You felt very warm against me, your eyes mixed with rage and passion. That stirred things within me that I had never felt before. Well, I guess I should close this letter. I have written a lot. Please don't blame yourself for my weakness. My heart just couldn't handle anymore. It's my mistake- not yours. I will be watching over you from heaven. _

_All my Love, _

_Bella_

How will I ever live in the kind of existence she describes without her? I won't, I can't.


	9. Chapter 9

SM owns everything twilight.

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter nine

The Hospital

Bella pov

Well, I'm alive and in the psych ward of the hospital for a five day evaluation. I have been told that I am very depressed, I could have told them that myself. It didn't take a genius to piece everything together. The doctors are trying me on different medications that I will need to take until I am stable once more. The only pill I need is one called 'Love' right now. I don't think they make that in pill form as of yet.

I am classified among the level four patients because of trying to kill myself a little over twenty-four hours ago. I am on a constant watch by the nurses and staff. I have to report to the front desk every hour until they feel I am no longer a danger to myself. I understand that though because truthfully, I am very depressed. I don't want to see my parent's cry over me like that ever again. I will never upset them or harm myself, especially over a man. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in love with Carlisle, I know I always will be. However, right now I have enough medication in me to think with my head and not my heart.

Mom says that there are going to be a lot of changes, whenever we get back home. We will be moving out of forks being one of the major ones. She feels that we need a fresh start in a new town. One where there won't be memories of my Carlisle and our past around every corner. Then I can walk out of my home and not have to worry that he's going to fly into a jealous fury over something that I did or did not do.

If I had my way, I think that I wouldn't go back to our home at all. It would be hard for me to take a bath there now and not remember how I was feeling. It's still all so fresh in my mind. My wrist stings from the cut I inflected on it, my constant reminder of Love mixed with stupidity and regret. I honestly don't want to deal with anything more than I have to right now. I've put my body and heart through enough. I started having the nightmares again so I don't want to sleep. However, the doctor wants to give me something to help me sleep as well. My doctors say that time will heal me along with good counseling and medications for a while, a short while I hope. I hate the way they make me feel.

Rene told me that she has put restrictions on visitors just in case the Cullen's decided they wanted to come and check on me. She also made sure that none of my medical information was to be given out over the phone. I seriously doubt that they would come here or call anyhow. However, there was a minuscule amount of hope I was clinging to. Thanks Rene, I wanted to at least have the wish..."Miss Swan you have a phone call in the lounge once you have finished please join us in room three for a therapy session." The nurse said.

I shook my head and took the long walk to the lounge and picked up the phone. I picked it up and was surprised by who was calling.

"Hello"

"Bella, its Carlisle. How are you? I've been going nuts?" he sounded so worried about me. However, I needed to know if there was a reason good or bad that he was calling here.

"Carlisle, why are you calling me?"

"They won't let me see you, Bella. My mom drove me there to visit you, and we were denied any contact. I have to see you, please."

"I think my mom blocked anyone from having any kind of contact with me, especially you." I slurred a little from the medications I was taking. He was silent about a minute after that.

"You don't want to talk to me Bella?" I could tell he was upset.

"I'm used to not talking to you for months…weeks…..and days at a time. Why would now be any different? Nothing's changed other than I was stupid enough to attempt suicide." I sighed from the amount regret I was experiencing.

"It hurt me to," he sniffed. "The letter you left me, it, I can't even find the accurate word for how it made me feel. You know I wanted all of those things for us to, sweetheart. I wanted us to have a happily ever after Bella. Things just got so screwed up when my parents got involved. I wish I would have fought my father harder on everything. However, I was only sixteen at the time this began. Now I'm almost eighteen. I shouldn't have let him intimidate me, but you know I have always tried to respect my parents, Bella" He finished; I noticed the difference in the sound of his voice. It was becoming lighter and more broken.

"But you were ready to run away from your father if I remember what you told me that night in my bedroom correctly? However, I can't go because you couldn't be responsible, and I should never forget that you love me, right?" I stated a little more bitterly than I intended to.

"That's not fair and you know it." He responded while his voice cracked slightly.

"Life's not fair and I'm just tired of feeling this way all the time. Do you understand that at all? Now I'm in a psych ward and have to be evaluated. I have to be on medications for God knows how long and then as an extra bonus, I get to re-live all of my emotions with shrinks. All because I fell in love with a man that couldn't love me as much as I loved him. Do you see why I'm tired Carlisle can you understand? Your dad was so right when he said that I wasn't worthy of his son."

"My dad said that to you?" He was shocked. Why did I not find that surprising?

"One of your parents said it, although I can't recall which one right now. They said a lot of things that day. I begged your dad to tell you that I loved you, and he refused me. The nightmares started then- after months of not seeing you- there you were in the window with your sister that night." I simply stated as a matter-of-fact. I was just sitting here biting my lip and twirling my hair around my finger.

"She came and got me because you kept screaming my name. I heard it that night, that's why I came over."

"Yes, to tell me you loved me, to go on with my life and when I tried to, you got so mad at me. Why?" I wanted some answers.

"Saying the words and meaning it are two different things, sweetheart. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone else touching you. I wanted you, I still want you baby girl. The only way I knew to keep your attention was to scream and yell and act like a complete idiot. You know I saved myself for you, don't you, Bella?

"I wanted to think you had" I said sucking in a deep breath. "But after the whole Irina thing I wasn't so sure anymore."

"Irina, kind of pushed me into things that night. I know that isn't any kind of excuse, I felt like I cheated on you even then. That's why I told her that I wanted you, even if we were only best friends at the time. I would give anything to even have that back at this point"

"Things are going to be changing really fast. My mom is planning on paying you all one last visit; I'll leave that up to her. I just want to know one thing, do you love me Carlisle?" I asked quickly before I lost my nerve.

"I do with all my heart and soul." He said in a low whisper. "What do you want from me Bella?"

"You know me so well." I said with a big goofy grin spread across my face.

"I know when you want something that your voice is softer." He chuckled.

"Well like I said a lot of things are going to happen really fast. However, there's one thing that I would ask of you. That is if you really meant it when you said you love me." I needed to know how intensely his feeling ran. I wanted them to run as deeply as mine.

"Just name it, anything." He said in a promising tone.

"You can say no, and I promise I won't freak out or anything."

"Tell me, Love." He pleaded

"I would like for us to spend some time together before things change. I want to know if you would still like to be my first, you don't have to." The words had no more then left my lips when he answered.

"I want that too, Bella. I love you" he said in a passionate whisper.

"I love you too."I answered honestly "I have to go; I have a therapy session that I'm sure I'm late for."

"Ok I'll talk to you soon. Maybe tomorrow evening, I got a job so that I can start saving for my big escape" He chuckled.

"Maybe with my mother's announcement you won't have to escape." I was sad now. I know mom won't change her mind at this point."

"What do you mean, Bella?

"I have to go sweetheart I'm late. I really don't have time to get into this right now, ok?" I said hurriedly.

"Bye Bella"

"Bye Carlisle"

The nurses told my mother that I had received a phone call from a male caller. I didn't receive anymore at the hospital after that. I know my mom is trying to protect me, but I need Carlisle, even if I can only have him for a few days. I will make the most of it, and I have a feeling he will to. I love him more than words can say. I will have my time with him parents be damned. I hope Rene doesn't show her ass too much when she visits them. However, if I know my mother, she will embarrass us all.


	10. Chapter 10

Belongs to SM

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter 10

This is best for Bella.

Rene's pov

I am so damned mad I can't see straight. I can't believe that he went behind my back and called my daughter at the hospital. Hasn't he screwed her heart and mind up enough? God only knows what he has put in her head. She couldn't wait to get away from him, now she gives me that "However, long it takes mom, I'll be fine" Bullshit. Charlie and I went the next day and found him a new job in law enforcement two hours away from the Cullen's. We rented an apartment there and hired movers to move what we couldn't. I transferred all of Bella's records, submitted changes of address and told the nurses not to let any calls for Bella go through. I took care of that and so much more. Now I'm going to pay one last visit to that boy and his parents and I refuse to leave until I have said my peace.

"Mrs. Swan, Come in and sit down. How is your daughter?" Amanda greeted. I cannot believe that after everything these people have put my daughter through that she has the audacity to be nice to me.

I narrowed my eyes at her as I walked through their doorway. "Do you really care?" I said looking toward the stair steps at Carlisle. I didn't allow her the option of answering. "Carlisle you're almost eighteen years old, and you're the center of this conversation" I stated firmly "You're also the reason behind my daughter trying to take her own life. Can you comprehend that Bella is my only daughter, my only child, and my very heart?" I said with tears welling up in my eyes. "You need to sit here with us adults."

Carlisle moved and sat in an empty recliner close to where I was sitting. He had his head down staring at the floor. I actually think he was afraid of me for the first time in his life.

"I want to start by saying that I didn't appreciate the nurses letting that call to my daughter go through, Carlisle. They told me when I walked through the door that a man had called, and I knew it was you. There will be no more calls from anyone. I hope you understand that I have to protect my daughter." I said looking directly at his blonde head of hair.

"I needed to talk to her Rene; I had to know she was going to be alright." He said sheepishly.

I acknowledged him by shaking my head. I knew that he was not going to take what I had to say next well.

"We will be moving far away from this family. The arrangements have already been made, and we have a place rented until we find a permanent residence. Charlie will be joining us once his two weeks are up. Our house goes on the market in the morning and most of our things will be moved out as well." There was an audible gasp of shock coming from the Cullen's. "I have to protect my daughter at all costs." I continued my rant. "You all started this war because my daughter wasn't good enough for your son. Now look what you have done to these two young adults" I paused "By putting impossible demands on your son because of my daughter." Carlisle's father started to speak, I held up my hands to let him know I wasn't finished yet. That might work with his wife but not on me.

"Their love can never be now so I guess you won, didn't you? The sad part of all of this is that Bella and Carlisle lost their best friend." I looked up to see Carlisle's big blue eyes streaming with tears. He knew he would never see Bella again and the pain in his eyes was heartbreaking. However, I couldn't chance my daughters eyes being close to dead once again "So just so I am understood completely Carlisle. There will be no phone calls. I have changed Bella's cell and will be keeping track of her records. No emails, no visits, no fishing to find her at all. I know you want her to be happy, and if you love her like I think maybe you still do. Then to steal the words your parents told my daughter, don't be so selfish. Don't look so shocked honey. Bella begged for you on her knees that night. They didn't hear her cry, but I did. I never want to hear her cry like that again."

"No Rene you can't separate us, my mom is trying to get something worked out with Dad so that Bella and I can spend some time together before you move away." Carlisle was begging in his own way. I'll admit it bothered me to see him share the same kind of hurt Bella did. Even so, I know this is best for both families involved. We have all suffered along with these two teen-agers, and it was time for some healing to begin.

"You will both move on and find a new life with someone else. You may not believe that now, but it's true." I hope for both of their sakes that I'm right about this.

"Is there anything that any of you have to say before I go?" Carlisle's sister spoke up for the first time during our little meeting. "I understand that you are protecting your daughter. However, you weren't here all the nights Carlisle cried himself to sleep, you didn't hear him fight with our father, and you certainly didn't see him get backhanded by him. Carlisle fought just as hard as Bella did. I held him when no one else saw his pain. I think this is totally unfair parenting on both your parts. After what I have witnessed, I don't care if I ever fall in love. It's hard enough just seeing, I can't imagine feeling its effects." Mary stated with conviction.

"Please tell Bella that Carlisle and I love her very much and we hope she will be happy with her new life." She sat on the arm of the recliner next to her broken brother. His back was now shaking with huge sobs and his eyes you could no longer see for the tears. Suddenly, the deepest cry came out of him that had emitted from the very depths of his soul. His sister was rubbing his back and his mother had knelt down in front of him at that point. She was trying to console her grieving son. His father sat stiffly in his chair not uttering a single word. I knew he agreed with our moving and for once I had to side with him.

I excused myself without apology and went quietly out the door. That cry will forever ring inside my head. I know now how much he truly loves her but the damage has been done and Bella will need lots of help healing on her own.

**A/N Will Bella change her mother's mind before it's to late?**


	11. Chapter 11

I own nothing Twilight related-But SM does.

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

**A/N Carlisle is fighting a spiritual battle within his heart between God and the devil at this point, the devil speaks to him in the italic's. **

Chapter Eleven

The Devil Whispers

Cpov

When Rene left, she took every bit of optimism I had with her. I went to my room and locked my door; I needed to be alone with my thoughts and tears. I noticed my Bible lying on the dresser; I picked it up and placed it in the drawer. I won't be reading it any longer. I didn't intend to live up to the expectations of anyone, whenever I turn eighteen. I don't think God will be upset about it since each time I pray, I feel nothing but angry at him.

It's not that I don't believe in God because I do. Even so, as of late the devil has been whispering in my ear, and I'm starting to consider what he plants there. Sometimes, I can almost feel his breath on my skin as he tells me that love is only an illusion. However, other times I just feel like God didn't love me, or he wouldn't have let us become separated for his sake. I mean God would want all his children to love and be loved, wouldn't he?

I never considered Bella and I were really saying good-bye forever on the phone that day. I thought we were going to get closer, and I wanted that. I wanted to make love to her, feel our skin touching as we became one person. I know the bible says its wrong and maybe that's why God took her away from me. However, I wanted her, sinful or not. So if that means that I'm holding the hand of the devil while he leads me into temptation then consider me led.

If I can't have the love of my life then I will sleep with every woman that I can lay my hands on…. "Do you hear me God?" I don't care anymore if I embarrass my father or not. I don't think I have been a bad son to him, and I certainly don't think Bella, and I deserve this.

They pushed my love to the point where she would rather die than live without me in her life. She must have been so lonely, and I know I didn't help her any by mistrusting her. I'm partly to blame along with my dad and those girls at that party. _She'll never forgive you Carlisle, _the devil whispers. _She'll be all nice to your face, but you know everything is your fault. You needed to grow up and be a man instead of cowering to your bully of a father. Instead you practically handed her soul to me, he laughed._

"Carlisle, can I come in?" my mother asked.

"I would prefer to be alone, mom" I answered a bit frustrated that she would interrupt my solitude.

"Well I think you might want to open your door son. I have some news that may cheer you up" I opened my door and motioned for her to enter.

"Unless this is good news concerning Bella, then I doubt rather highly that it will cheer me up." I stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Well I have been talking with Bella's father, and we are trying to work it out so Bella, and you can spend some time together before they move. Charlie doesn't transfer for two more weeks. I know it isn't much time, but it's worth trying for. I've already told your father, unless he wants to lose his only son he had better-bring about-this one thing for you."

I was shocked, "Dad agreed to this?"

"Well I didn't give him a choice in the matter. I won't sit back and see my boy hurt like that, Carlisle. A mother never wants to see her child suffer, and if I can do this for you then I will. I threatened to leave your father and take you and your sister with me if he wouldn't allow it. You know he would never want that to happen.

I gasped out loud at this revelation I ran over and hugged my mother closely. "When will we know if Rene will go along with this?" I asked daring to hope.

"We should know something by tomorrow. He's going up to the hospital tonight with Rene to see Bella."

I just stood there in disbelief and awe of my mother. She had never stood against my father like this before. Part of me felt accountable knowing that I had caused such conflict. However, part of me also felt that it was justified knowing Bella, and I, were innocent of all crimes other than loving each other. _You are not faultless stop lying to yourself._

"Thanks mom, I can't express enough what this means to me. Even if things don't work out the actuality that you felt my pain and stood up for me even though I know you share the same opinion as Dad…." I couldn't finish my sentence. There just weren't words enough to describe how I felt at that moment.

Mom smiled at me, seeming to understand what I couldn't say. "Just pray for the best Carlisle. I know it's not much time considering that you have spent most of your young life with her. Nevertheless, two weeks will be the most that you will have with her." My mother paused for a minute collecting her thoughts. "You know Carlisle that I honestly can understand where Rene is coming from, furiously protecting her daughter like she is. I hate that we seem to be the monsters that pushed Bella to the edge of desperation. That being said I would have to agree with Rene uprooting her family to protect her. I would like to think I would have done the same to look after those I love." Then my mother closed my door leaving me to my thoughts once more.

If two weeks is all I can obtain with her then that's what I'll have to settle for. I anticipate things will work out that we can be as one again whenever she turns eighteen. I have considered putting college off and just working at a full time job until I can get us a place together. That's something that we'll have to discuss if I get the time with her. It's hard not to get my hopes up. I yearn to hold her in my arms and know that she's real. I won't permit my father or anyone else including myself to push her emotions in any form. Bella is very fragile, given; she's still recovering from her attempt to take her life. _Who's going to protect her from you?_

Tomorrow, it can't come soon enough for me. I finally lay down to get some sleep hoping to receive some relief from the pressure of not having a definite response, and needing an escape, the voice of the devil torturing me internally.

* * *

We hadn't heard anything from Charlie, and it was seven p.m. I was beginning to lose hope with every hour that passed. There was finally a knock on the front door, and I ran to answer it. To my great relief Charlie was standing there with Bella.

"Bella" I uttered shocked to be seeing her. "Are you alright, I've been so worried about you. I thought I had lost you forever" I said while moving to embrace my girl. She snuggled closer into my arms as we held each other.

"Oh Carlisle, I thought I'd never see you again" she was smiling and crying all at the same time. I knew exactly what she was feeling. The relief of her touch and the excitement of knowing I had her back-even if only for a short time-was overwhelming.

"Charlie, can Bella and I take a walk?" I asked remembering to be respectful of the man who had helped make this happen.

"Go ahead son; make sure she's in by ten, that will give you three hours tonight." He smiled as I took hold of Bella's hand leading her off the porch and down the stairs. We had a lot to discuss; I was excited to have her back in my life again.

_Make the most of it because you won't keep her. She's too good for you; you've always known that, your a weak boy, same as always._ The devil laughed as I tried to ignore his whispers in my ears. I had to wonder if I was finally losing my mind as well.


	12. Chapter 12

SM owns all things Twilight, If only they were real.

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

Chapter 12

A Talk in the Park

Bpov

The look of shock on Carlisle's face whenever he saw Dad and me standing at his door was priceless, accompanied no less by the goofy grins plastered all over our faces. Carlisle had never looked as '_damn hot'_ as he did that night in my eyes. I had gone from thinking I wouldn't see him again to complete and utter bliss.

I had endured all of my mother's ramblings throughout lunch just before they had released me from the hospital. I know I should probably take her advice about Carlisle and I. Rene wants to make sure that we are not intimate as she so adequately put it. Nevertheless, I, on the other hand, knew that it was what I wanted. If memory served me right Carlisle was in total agreement with me.

I wouldn't pressure him though if he changed his mind. I know Carlisle is a good hearted person, and I would never take advantage of that, _much._

Charlie awarded us until ten that evening, which didn't warrant us much time together. We walked to the park-which is only a few blocks away-to get some distance from the parental figures. We hadn't really spoken much; we just smiled and laughed until we got to the picnic table. The attraction between Carlisle and I felt the strongest it ever had. We sat down on top of the table, Carlisle looked, deep down, in my eyes and leaned forward slowly and positioned his lips on mine. The kiss was soft and sweet, I could sense all the love, he was emitting to me. He finally broke the kiss and spoke.

"Hi" he grinned

"Hi" I grinned back at him. I guess our first words to each other could have entailed something of more meaning; however, it seemed that the kiss had spoken volumes.

"So how are you feeling, Bella?" I knew this matter wouldn't be avoided by Carlisle. I guess we might as well get rid of that big pink elephant.

"I'm feeling positive and hopeful for the first time in months." I smiled shyly.

"Bella there is something that we need to talk about, and I would recommend we do this now." He was still holding my hand, although he was glancing down at his feet. I knew he was dreading this as much as I was. Even so, he deserved explanations and so did I.

"I will answer anything you request of me Carlisle, and I will do it truthfully, you deserve that." I then took my shoulder and bumped against his slightly causing him to look back up at me and smile.

"Okay, the first question on my mind is why you would attempt to take your own existence? Why, if you desire me, would you put my heart through that, it would have destroyed me, Bella?" He looked like he was ready to cry, and it broke my heart knowing I had created that hurt.

"Well to be frank with you, I had to question if you even cared about me anymore. It appeared you were willing to toss me away so effortlessly. I couldn't see or touch you. The only time you spoke to me was when you were cross. I had to provoke you in some way to get your attention. Then whenever you implied that I was a whore and your father had been correct about me all along. That was just about all I could accept, I didn't want to live my existence out knowing that I would under no circumstances have you. I couldn't breathe without you Carlisle. I don't presume for you to comprehend the kind of desperation and loneliness I experienced- But at the time whenever I did it, I wanted nothing more than to sense the release from the heartache I had been in for many months."

"May I take a look at your wrist?" Carlisle asked as he pulled my hand up to inspect it. I nodded, though ashamed. He kissed it gently and then he lost control of his emotions. His eyes were overflowing with tears, and they were followed by deep sobbing.

"Oh God, Bella I am so sorry" He wept "I never wanted you to die."

I rubbed his back and scratched it lightly with my fingernails while pulling him to me with my other arm to embrace my broken man.

"Promise me, Promise me that you will never do anything of that nature again" he said as his warm, wet tears continued to fall on my shoulder.

"I promise you" I whispered.

We began rocking back and forth while clinging to each other, both of us allowing our tears to rid us of our pain and hurt. "Bella, I love you, I need for you to understand that." He breathed in my ear.

"I'll never doubt it again, I love you too. You're the only man I have ever desired and will always love Carlisle. I need you to understand and trust that." He pulled back from our embrace and kissed me once more responding in kind to my question.

"We have both abided through our own personal hell over this previous year or so, Bella. I don't know if I can ever explain the things I have gone through, the arguments with my parents, adjusting to a new school and people, deprived of my best friend, my girlfriend, present to get me through all of it. I have dealt with it alone. My faith Bella, I dare say has faded through this trail of struggles." he blew out a gust of air before continuing. "God, you and your family, along with mine have been the constants in my entire life."

"Whenever I came home the night of your birthday party, I was so elated. However, that didn't last long. My father and mother took me into the living room because we needed to talk. They ripped my entire world apart that night Bella. They forced me to exchange bedrooms with my sister, so I couldn't lay my own eyes on you. They informed me they had arranged for me to be with and wed a young lady from our church, Angela Webber. They had even discussed it with her parents. I thought arranged marriages went out a couple of centuries ago."

"I refused them; I wasn't going to marry someone precisely seeing as I was authorized to. I didn't love her, I didn't even know Angela. She was a pleasant young lady, and I sat back and observed as her parents slashed her world apart. She was in love with Ben, and it was shattering her heart into as well."

"We got the opportunity to talk freely throughout a church picnic. We deposited it all out on the table, so to speak. We held nothing against each other-but if we couldn't be with the ones we desired, then we would live companionless."

"When I announced this to my father, he was furious. I was then backhanded for going behind his back and defying his authority."

I gasped; I never envisioned his father would resort to such measures to keep us apart.

"Oh my God Carlisle, I can't even conceive of the concept that he would do that to you, his own son" Carlisle was sitting there wringing his hands together, engrossed deep in thought.

"Bella, it honestly doesn't matter that he did it, at least not to me anymore. It hurt my feelings more than my face." He continued "But after that the arguing continued, I believed I had no choice at the time, then to let you go. Maybe at least that way you could find love with someone else. That's why I said those things in your bedroom that night" He glanced up into the distance, and then turned to clutch my hand once more.

"Did he do anything to you that night Carlisle when he found you inside my house?" I had to know, I knew how angry his father appeared, and I also knew that Carlisle had said something to his father in irritation while departing.

"That night seemed to carry on endlessly, we argued once again. He literally took his belt off and chastised me, Bella. He was trying to break me, my mom was weeping, but she didn't interrupt him. He was applying the bible against me to justify what he had executed 'Spare the rod and spoil the child', he had said. I know that I'm older and should have been capable of taking it-but it hurt. I started becoming braver through, knowing that I had been wronged time and again by him. So the arguing continued, at least twice a week we clashed."

"It was taking a toll on everyone, especially my little sister. She would come into my room after an episode and try and console me. I knew that if he ever did even one of the things to her, Bella, that he had done to me that I would have hurt him."

"I have grown to detest my father; I couldn't swallow that my mother, after everything that had occurred sided with me on seeing you. Subsequently, it dawned on me, it's only a couple of weeks, and you'll be unavailable. She gets back in my good graces, and they believe they can begin to manipulate me again."

"Wow, and I thought I had it rough. I hate your father Carlisle, and I can't say that I like your mother much either, or mine", I half laughed. The truth is Carlisle, we do only have a couple of weeks together, and I want to make the most out of them. I want to spend every bit of time with you, I can. Do you still work at that grocery store?" I asked.

"Yes, I still work there four times a week. I have been saving the money to catch a greyhound away from this place and hopefully get set up in college somehow. I really do want to go to NYU. I need a higher education to make something of myself." He turned to look at me. "I want those same things you do Bella, I want to marry you, have children, a home and a career as well. One where I can provide for all of you, and you can stay home with the little ones, if you prefer to."

That made me smile from ear to ear, a future with the man I have loved since childhood. I wanted nothing more in life.

"I would love to be your wife and mother to your children, we will be so happy together." I was excited by this news. 'Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen' it had a beautiful ring to it.

"So are you asking me to marry you Carlisle?" I asked while all but bouncing up and down.

"Yes, but I need to do it properly with a ring and all the bells and whistles, so as of now you have my promise. Do you agree to marry me beautiful?" He smiled

"I promise a thousand times over Carlisle. You are the only man I will ever love and always be Mrs. to."

With that our lips crashed together forcefully, this time Carlisle deepened the kiss, and I gladly opened my mouth to give him entrance. Our tongues danced and seemed to make love to each other. I hated that we had to break the kiss to breathe. We both looked at each other intensely knowing that we were in love and were going to have a future somehow. However, as for now we would live within the moments of the next two weeks.

"We should probably start walking back home, I don't want to provide them any incentive to keep us apart again." He stood up and took my hand helping me down from the table like the proper gentlemen he was. We walked home together; Charlie was waiting on our front porch and smiling. We had made it home ten minutes early, earning brownie points from worried parents. Carlisle kissed me on the cheek and told me good night, not wanting any problems.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella" he nodded

"Tomorrow" I agreed

"Goodnight, Charlie" Carlisle said "and thank you for everything you have done to allow your daughter and I to have this amount of time together."

"Your welcomed, son" Charlie answered while shaking Carlisle's hand. I watched as he walked next door, taking one last look at me and smiling before he entered his house.

I hugged my father and told him I was turning in for the night. For the first time in a year, I knew I would be having sweet dreams of my future with the only man I ever wanted.


	13. Chapter 13

SM: owns Twilight and my poor, poor Carlisle.

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

When it Happens, It Happens

Chapter 13

Bpov

It was a bit odd being in my own home that night, recalling everything that had occurred prior to the evening I had attempted to end it all. The memories came surging back from the past. The first time I entered the bathroom, I could do nothing but stare at my surroundings. I acquired a long, hard look at the bathtub that I had slit my wrist in, attempting to set my soul free from the suffering I had endured. I noted the phone sitting where I had left it and thought back on that final call, I had made to Carlisle. I understood now that it was a concluding plea for help from the one person who could have saved me. I feel so remorseful about the upset and pain I created in the people I love. There's a part of me that blames myself for the circumstances I'm in. I know I will have to give up Carlisle on account of my drastic actions.

There's another part of myself that comprehends that I haven't even had him in my life for close to two years. What did mankind expect us to do without one another? Carlisle will be eighteen shortly and leaving for college, as will I. This separation is inevitable for the both of us.

It was unbearable to hear of the things that Carlisle had been through because of loving me. I believe his father to be a self serving, hurtful individual. I truly detest him for starting all of this chaos. A part of me had consistently felt that I was never worthy of Carlisle, his father re-enforced that emotion within me.

We have two weeks at most with one another, and I am going to make the best out of them. They will be remembrances that I will hold close to my heart to get me through the extent of time I will have to be without him, I pray that isn't extensive.

I fear facing my school and classmates, if only I had Carlisle there with me to bring me through. His having a job to attend to is not going to help in our shortage of time together either, but we will push through.

_The next evening_

Carlisle called to ask me how my day had gone and to make arrangements to spend the evening with me after work, he gets off at seven pm today. That won't grant us much time together, I'm not complaining though, it's more time then we had previously. I'm going to meet him at the grocery store, and we are going to a small restaurant afterwards for something to eat.

It's pouring down the rain as I sit here in my truck waiting to see my love. Carlisle comes barreling out of the store and is soaked to the bone in a matter of seconds. He opens the passenger door and slips in as quickly as he can. He wastes no time in greeting me with words. He crashes his lips to mine, and I am excited by the attention he is showing me. My stomach is filled with butterflies, and I swear my head is spinning. I am wet from the closeness of his body to mine. He pulls away and shivers. I'm not sure if it's from kissing me or the rain, I will opt for the first explanation.

"Hi Bella" Carlisle's grins at me while massaging his hands together trying to warm them up.

"Hi Handsome" I reply with a smile as big as Texas plastered on my face. "Do you want to go home and change out of those, soaked clothes?"

"No, I don't want to waste any of our time together. We only have until ten tonight, and I haven't eaten all day."

He is staring a hole straight through me with his smoldering blue eyes. I can sense as well as see the love thriving in them. I feel it for him as well, I perceive that we will become closer, and it will be soon for us. I position the truck into drive, and pull out onto the highway. Carlisle reaches to hold my hand, and I give it freely.

"Bella, do you really want to go inside and eat? I was reasoning that we could order it to go and spend that time at the park in your truck." God the way he keeps looking at me.

"I think that is a brilliant idea, the more time we can spend alone together the better, I say." I gripped his hand, and he smiled.

We ordered a couple of burgers, fries and a drink, and then we were off to the truck again. We made it to the park in a matter of minutes. We created light conversation while we ate, after we finished the longing looks started again, he was making me feel bashful.

He scooted over towards me encasing his arms around me and drawing me firmly to his chest. "Bella" he said as he lifted my chin and brushed my lips softly. I responded with ease and opened my mouth permitting his tongue entrance. It was warm and welcoming, I-tangled mine-with his until I needed air. Carlisle released my lips and moved his down my neck. I could feel his heated breath as he relocated his mouth onto my neck and delicately commenced to kiss and suck. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. He moved up to my ear, and I could hear his breathing as it increased into pants.

He situated one of his hands on his lap to conceal his erection from me. It was so sweet; he was feeling a little shy as well. I began kissing him on his neck in reciprocation, and I licked his ear, breathing heavily as I did. Before I realized what was happening, I was lying down, half on top of him. It all happened so naturally that neither of us had noticed until we were in that position.

He began moving me around until I was lying directly on top of his whole body. He had removed his hand from his erection and had both arms immersed around me. We were kissing passionately. I felt him begin to maneuver his body, looking for friction against my own. I felt his leg move up between mine and nothing had ever seemed truer in this very moment. We were both moaning and kneading against each other's bodies. "Oh God, Bella" he uttered as he pulled back from me. "You're driving me crazy with desire for you." He kissed me delicately once again and peered deeply in my eyes. "I long for you too" I replied breathlessly.

"Bella we need to get going, it's almost ten o'clock already, and I can't believe how swiftly time has flown since we started kissing." He smiled.

"I can't either" I replied as I started the truck.

"I feel that things are going to transpire for us comfortably. I mean the physical part of it." I sighed and he reached for my hand again. "You know how much you mean to me, right?" he asked smiling "I will only ever love you." He finished.

I could sense the tears rising up in my eyes with his declaration of love for me. "And I will only ever love you, Carlisle." I answered looking briefly at him while driving.

"When it transpires between us Bella, it happens. I'm not willing to stop nature's path between us. However, long or short a time it takes, we need to promise each other that we will just let it happen, the way it's supposed to." He affirmed with passion.

"I agree with you." I said as I pulled up into my drive way with five minutes to spare. Carlisle walked me to the door and in a bold move, he kissed me sweetly. "Goodnight, Bella" he said while hugging me after our shared kiss. "Goodnight" I replied as I walked into the doorway walking on air.


	14. Chapter 14

SM owns all things Twilight

**A/N: I am not good at writing lemons as of yet, I'm having a difficult time squeezing them. I hope to improve with practice so keep your fingers crossed. **

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

Chapter 14

Day Three

I picked Carlisle up at work again today at seven; we stopped for take-out and went back to the park. It was one of those almost sunny days that might break out into a rainfall at any moment. We finished eating as quickly as possible, wanting to pick up where we left off yesterday.

"I purchased something at the grocery store today, its condoms." Carlisle whispered, becoming a little scarlet in the face. "I was thinking that we could keep them in your truck, so we can be prepared. I don't wish to get you in trouble Bella, although my body does ache to make love to you. I want to have children someday, whenever we're older and married. However, I don't want to provide our parents with an additional motive to keep us separated. If you were to become expectant and Rene kept us apart" he sighed "Well, I just couldn't handle that, it's complicated enough having to be apart from you, I couldn't bear to be separated from my child as well."

"Carlisle I think it's sweet that you are watching out for our future the way you are. Your right now is certainly not the time for us to have a baby. It will require a long time to get through college and become a physician. I hope to be a schoolteacher, and that will take a few years also." I took the plastic bag from his possession and slipped it underneath the seat of my truck for careful keeping.

I glanced up at the handsome man close to me and smiled, he returned it. "Carlisle, kiss me" I didn't have to ask him twice as he pulled me onto his lap facing him. He began kissing me passionately at once. I could feel his already hard member, and I began searching for the friction, we both desired. He was kissing my lips, my neck and moving toward my collarbone. I was filled with love and sexual desire all at once. I began to rub myself harsher on his immense cock, moaning as I did so. My hormones had jolted into over drive, and I would have given him my body, if he would only ask.

He was massaging his hands up and down my back as I moved on him. His wet mouth found my breasts easily, and he positioned it on my nipple while fondling the other one through my top. I arched my back and thrust my breast deeper into his mouth as he delicately bit my nipple through my top.

He began to unbutton my blouse while still finding purchase on my nipple. He was becoming frustrated with the buttons before they eventually yielded to him. He gently boosted my blouse over my arms, revealing to him my lacy black bra. He secured his hands and placed one over each breast, massaging them tenderly. He laid his head between them for a couple of minutes. I had no idea what was proceeding through his mind at that point in time-but I knew he was happy.

He then raised his head and relocated his hands to my bra straps, tugging on them until I lifted my arms through them. He hastily undid the clasps in the back, and my bra fell toward the front. Carlisle let out an audible gasp as he took in the view. I had butterflies fluttering inside of my stomach from the way his eyes were consuming my body.

Carlisle latched his mouth to my nipple like a hungry baby getting its first feeding. He sucked lightly at first as he used his fingers to pinch and roll my other nipple. When he finally released my it I was hard and wet. I felt a little chill run down my spine. He was soon wrapping his lips around my nipple and massaging my other breast with his free hand. His arm was encircling my back, pushing me closer into his mouth. He was licking and sucking, pinching and massaging, moaning and groaning and I was causing him this pleasure. The thought thrilled me and I found myself starting to grind my body against his hard member. I could feel the tip of it massage my clit as I stimulated it.

I couldn't stop myself as I began to sense a tightening begin to quiver in my stomach. Carlisle must have perceived my urgency; he moved his hand down and released his cock. I moved even closer to him as he unsnapped my pants tugging them down just below my hips. He positioned his hand inside my panties and started caressing my clit; nothing had ever felt so pleasurable in my entire life. He moved his fingers up and down my wet folds, always coming back to my clit. I started moving once more as that intimate tightening returned in my stomach. We were panting intensely as he moved his fingers. I reached down taking hold of his freed cock with my hand, stroking it. "Bella wait, let me get you off first. If you keep touching me, I'm going to explode all over your hand." He said breathlessly. So I stopped stroking him, but I wasn't letting go of his hard cock.

He continued his exploration of me. He took one finger and slowly pushed it up inside me, I moaned at the sensation of it. He began moving it in and out of me while using his thumb to rub my clit. I was overcome with a feeling like I had never had before as I came hard on his finger "That's my girl" he breathed out as I started coming down from it. He pulled his finger from inside of me and rubbed the wetness on himself. I knew that was my cue to return the favor, he was ready.

I wrapped my hand around his stiff cock and started stroking him once again. He was trying to control the sounds he was making- but was grunting with every action I made. I began making quicker movements as I leaned over so my mouth was at his ear. "I want to make you cum for me Carlisle, please." His eyebrows fell forward in concentration as his mouth slightly opened into an 'o' shape. "Yes" he uttered as he closed his eyes tightly and shot his load all over my hands.

Once he finally opened his eyes and looked at me, he apologized and grabbed a couple of tissues to clean me up. I couldn't help myself as I pressed my lips to his, showing my appreciation for the release he had given me. "Thank You, Carlisle" I said smiling at him.

"Thank You" he smiled afterward while kissing me once more. I removed myself from his lap and started putting my clothes back on. I knew we both smelled of sex even though we hadn't literally preformed the act. I couldn't help but feel proud of it, having his scent on me. I never wanted to wash it off.

Carlisle accompanied me to my door from the driveway once again and kissed me goodnight, we shared soft 'I love you's'. I watched as his form disappeared across the driveway. _Goodnight, my love_.


	15. Chapter 15

I own nothing Twilight related, belongs to SM.

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter 15

The First Time isn't always the Best Time

Carlisle's pov.

Bella and I were so close to making love. We had explored each other's bodies for the past six days. We recognized are time was running out. I didn't want her first experience to be in the front seat of her truck. This was something we would both remember. So we decided to take a chance Monday and skip school. Bella's father would be at work, and we would simply double back and enter through the back door.

I felt terrible for breaking Charlie's trust this way-but I loved Bella enough to do it. We had come close to making love in her truck the last couple of evenings. Pulling back had been one of the toughest things I had achieved in my life. I hungered for her so much that my restraint had slipped somewhat, and I almost inserted myself. I had been rubbing my member between her wet lower lips, and we were ready for each other; she was a little frustrated with me. It wasn't like I didn't feel it as well.

Monday arrived and Charlie left for work. Bella and I left for school. My mom remained home as always. My father dropped my sister and I off. We moved inside the entrance until my father had gone, Bella pulled up and I hopped in. I quickly grabbed her hand squeezing it tightly. We parked her truck behind a church and walked back to her house entering the back door. It looked odd inside with most of their things already moved.

"Are you hungry, Carlisle?" Bella asked sweetly.

"No I don't eat breakfast, you know that." I smiled.

"Right, I don't either." I could tell she was becoming anxious, so I put my arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Are you nervous sweetheart?" I questioned perceiving she was. She laid her head on my shoulder, and I swayed her back and forth in a rocking motion.

"I love you Bella and I want you more than anything right now. However, if you're not prepared for my body, I will respect that." She didn't respond. Instead she took my hand and led me upstairs and into her bedroom.

"I didn't bother to make my bed today. I don't imagine it will be called for." She turned with a small blush on her cheeks. I leaned in, to kiss her lips, and she took action to deepen it. We kissed intensely for a few minutes. My hands began to move on their own, up to her waistline and over her breasts. I let out a small moan at the feel of them in my hands. I began massaging them with my fingers. We were still kissing and Bella had moved herself over my leg and was applying friction to her middle.

I moved my hands down to her rear and grasped it tightly pulling her even closer. There were a lot of heavy breathing sounds of approval. I began to undress her starting with her top. Her bra was a lacy red; I soon found that there were matching panties. I guess Tanya had helped her prepare for this, _thanks_. I moaned my satisfaction at the vision I beheld.

"Thank you" I whispered to Bella making her smile. I stood back up and looked into her eyes. She began unbuttoning my shirt. Then she proceeded to run her soft hands through the hair on my chest, scratching lightly. I all but purred like a fat cat. She started kissing my chest and moved her way down to my stomach. Her kisses became open mouthed, and she licked and sucked lightly as she followed the small trail of hair into my pants. She stopped there and undid my jeans and boxers. My very hard cock bounced free from its prison. She took it into her small hand steadying it. She looked up at me through her lashes and placed her mouth on the head. I instantly sucked air through my teeth, from the feeling of her tongue. I hissed as she licked and sucked the head. She moved down toward the base and licked up to the very tip. She kissed it and licked the pre-cum. Then she continued to bathe my complete member. "Oh God" I panted.

This only encouraged her and she continued to suck and kiss. I took her little hand, holding my member steady and placed mine over it. I started moving it up and down while she was sucking. She soon moved my hand understanding what I needed. It felt so good; I knew I was going to cum subsequently. I pulled her mouth off of my member right before I discharged my goods. She didn't need to taste that, not yet anyway. I went to the bathroom and washed off my hand cleaning up. I took a washcloth back to her bedroom for later.

When I entered her room, she was laying on her bed still embellished in red. I wanted to make her feel as glorious as she had me. I moved onto her bed and began to kiss her lips and neck. "Baby, you look so sexy in red. I want to sample you before we make love." I whispered.

I kept kissing her, moving my hands to unclasp her red bra. Her breasts were beautiful, her nipples erect and desiring to be sucked. When I took one in my mouth, she moaned and arched her back encouraging me further. I nibbled and sucked each one. When I was satisfied that she was pleased, I moved down her creamy, flat stomach. Halting long enough to put my tongue in her belly button and make her giggle.

I licked and nibbled her hips and down her legs. Then I moved back up to the inside of her thighs leaving drenched trails with my tongue. I removed her panties to see her wet and glistening. I touched her clit with my tongue and moved circles around it. I then lapped between her folds causing her to moan out my name. I stuck in one finger followed by another, stimulating the inside of her, gently preparing. I bit and drew in on her clit some more until she was almost ready to release and stopped.

I needed her be in want of me whenever I entered her, this being essential to an easy transition. I hovered over her kissing her delicately on her lips and neck. I reached to grasp a condom and rolled it over myself. I didn't wish to get her pregnant before we were out of college and married.

"Are you ready for me sweetheart?" I asked gently

"I've been ready for a long time, Carlisle." I smiled down on her.

"If it hurts too much let me know, and I'll stop." I said kissing her lips again.

She nodded her head in understanding. We were eager for this, and it was going to happen. I positioned my body up until I felt my tip touch her entrance. I drew a deep breath and started to move slowly into her. Our arms were wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. I moved forward slowly not wanting to cause her any more discomfort than necessary. Once I hit her barrier, I got a little nervous and so did she.

"Do you want me to go fast or slow?" I asked while kissing her lightly. "I don't know Carlisle. I've never done this before either." I could tell she was going to panic soon. "Okay, calm down honey, if you want to stop, we can and will." I told her with great concern. "I want you Carlisle, I'm just getting scared." I began stroking her hair and looking in her eyes. "Keep looking in my eyes, beautiful. Feel the love I have for you." I stated. She started to calm down a little. "Do you trust me?" I asked. "Yes" she answered.

I thought that perhaps I should move quickly. I thrust into her making sure to break all the way through her barrier. Bella gasped as tears rolled down her cheeks. I held her close to me trying to ease her. "Shhhh baby, it's okay the worst part is over now." I soothed.

She rested there trying to calm herself, biting her lip and taking deep breathes. I started to move gently inside of her. She lay perfectly still until I finally came.

I don't imagine it was everything she had dreamed it would be. I was annoyed with my lack of experience at my age. I should have known how to make it better, I didn't.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I never intended to hurt you like that." I was tearing up myself. I moved to get the wash cloth and try to clean her up. She flinched at the coldness of it. "Carlisle I love you and we knew the first time wasn't going to be a fairytale. Let's wait awhile and try again, okay?" She was trying to remain positive. I recognized it bothered her, I had become upset.

I went to the bathroom to remove the condom and capture my breath. I felt so ashamed for harming her. I noticed that the condom was bundled around the base of my member. What..., was her barrier that tough to breach, was it just a fluke. How am I supposed to tell her this?

"Carlisle" Bella called and peered through the bathroom door. I heard her breathe hard as she noticed the condom in my hand, broken.

I broke down and commenced to cry myself. This day was supposed to be perfect. It ended up as messed up as everything else in our lives over the last couple of years, _damn __it_.


	16. Chapter 16

SM: Owns all things Twilight related.

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter Sixteen

The End of the Beginning

_Bella's pov_

The ruptured condom came as a sizable upset to both Carlisle and I. I could tell he was condemning himself. This day had not turned out as we had imagined it would. I thought sex would be so different than it actually was, all sparks, love and skyrockets. I was wrong.

It had been uncomfortable and painful. I was still trickling from where my barrier had been broken and that worried me. I had entered the bathroom to get a pad, whenever I found Carlisle seemingly so broken. My friends had made sex sound like the most marvelous thing in the world with or without love becoming involved. I found it upsetting. It felt like I was walking funny, like he was still fixed inside of me.

"Bella what if I got you pregnant?" Carlisle looked so shaken. I realized he wasn't prepared to be a father yet. He wished to be a physician, not work in a grocery store and pay child support. I suppose our other choice would have been to marry young. I wasn't ready to be '_that girl'_ who got knocked up and destroyed Carlisle's chance in life to become someone important. Because that was exactly what the citizens in the town of Forks would claim. I would be known as that little wench that wouldn't leave Carlisle alone until I had trapped him.

I walked over to where Carlisle was and took the condom out of his hand. I enveloped it in toilet paper so that my father wouldn't see it and threw it in the trash. He knew better than to check stuff like that with women around. "Carlisle the likelihood of my being pregnant is slim to none. So don't concern yourself about it, okay." I said stroking his cheek.

"Slim to none happens all the time Bella." He stated as a knowing fact.

"I'm not pregnant" I comforted him once again.

"What if you are pregnant? How do you imagine Rene will react to that? Especially if she knows the baby belongs to me. She'll force you to get it aborted or put it up for adoption, taking my rights away by saying the father is unknown." Carlisle was pacing back and forth in the tiny bathroom now, running his hands over his face and through his hair. "I hate her Isabella, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I blame her."

"Your parents started this whole thing Carlisle. My mother just finished it. Don't you think I hate them as well?" I asked and he sighed in defeat. I continued to speak. "Our parents are our worst enemies while we're together, other than Charlie that is." I finished as I sat down on the floor looking up at him.

"My mother is only doing this for us now knowing it's for two weeks. I thought at first it was because she loved me and considered my pain. However, it slowly dawned on me what she was doing, Bella. She was ending a problem." He said while sitting down on the floor beside me. "If you're pregnant, then we need to find a way to communicate that. Write me a letter and say something, like 'I'm okay' and underline the okay."

"I will do that Carlisle. Is there somewhere else I can send it so that I know you will receive it?" I wasn't stupid, I knew any letters I sent would be intercepted.

"Before you leave, I will get an address from one of my friends at school or work to give to you." He then smiled and hugged me. I knew Carlisle would give up everything for me if I were pregnant. Nevertheless, I really thought he was over-thinking the possibility, I knew I wasn't. Somehow I could just sense it.

"Carlisle, do you want to try to make love again." I smiled and asked.

"I believe we should spend the rest of our time cuddling and talking or watching some television. I don't have much emotional energy left today, sweetheart."

So that's exactly what we did. We soon relaxed and fell back into our usual comfort zone. I thought this was best for today as well.

Three days later and Carlisle and I were back at it again. Our time was running out, and we desired to be close. The magnetism was strong as we made love in the front seat of my old truck. Everything felt so natural and true. We found the second time to be as fulfilling as we were expecting the first time to be. The closeness and the feeling of being one person was exhilarating.

I will, under no circumstances, love another man the way I love Carlisle Cullen. I vowed to myself then and there that I would allow no other to touch me. Even if that meant I would die 'the cat lady', He was it for me. There are some things in life you just know even at a young age. I knew that Carlisle would be my only love and sex. I knew that we would be apart for a long time, so I took lots of pictures. I also knew that I wasn't pregnant with Carlisle's child; part of me felt the loss.

The next evening we hiked up into the woods with a blanket. We made love twice that evening, never caring if someone saw us. We were in love and that was all that mattered now.

Our last night together was the most intense as we cried through everything. The connection was strong between us and the hurt was so very real. We both came for the last time together, for God only knows how long. We held each other with tears streaming down our faces, our naked bodies shaking with sobs. "Bella, you have to remember how much I love you. Please pro…promise me, me, th…that." Carlisle sobbed out. "I promise Ca…Ca. I promise." I couldn't even get his name out.

The feeling deep within my soul felt devastated and disorientated as we made our way back to the truck. The drive home was far too short. We didn't say a word. We were too lost in our own thoughts and grief to speak.

I pulled into the driveway to find Rene was here. I guess she had to make her one last dramatic appearance to Carlisle. No wonder he hates her. She comes running over to the truck and pulls me into a hug telling me how much she's missed me. I rolled my eyes behind her back. Carlisle got out of the passenger door and walked around. "Hello Rene" He said kindly "Hello Carlisle" she greeted him back. "Well I'll just let you two say your good-byes." She then walked off smugly. _Bitch_.

"I will come and say my goodbyes in the morning Bella, before you leave." Carlisle said while pulling me into a tight embrace. "Five a.m." I was giddy with hope.

"It's not like I'll sleep anyhow tonight." He said into my ear. "Yeah, neither will I" I agreed.

We continued to embrace and whisper our feeling into each other's ears. Carlisle's dad appeared on their front porch signaling for him to come in. The parental figures must really hate us, I thought to myself. One last quick kiss and Carlisle had gone for the night.

Sure enough he showed up at five a.m., as promised. His eyes rimmed in red from the constant flow of tears he must have shed through the night. Mine were no different than Carlisle's. We ran to each other and I hopped into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist. He started twirling us around in circles and we both laughed. I looked down at him as he stopped and I then found his wet lips. We kissed passionately. I ran my hands down his back as he ran his up along my sides as we gasped for air. Our kisses were sweet and wet, passionate and intense all at the same time.

When we finally broke free from one another, we realized we had an audience on both sides of the driveway. I don't think either of us cared at that point. One last peck followed by 'I love you', and we separated. I got into my truck to follow my parents. I was smiling and waving trying not to cry and make this any harder on him. I pulled out and looked up to see Carlisle standing in the road in my rearview mirror, looking at me as I drove away. Then I let the tears flow freely. "Good-bye" I said to the only man I'll ever love.


	17. Chapter 17

SM: Owns all things Twilight related.

**Thank You Mizzdee! You are an awesome beta!**

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

Chapter Seventeen

We Meet Again

I was driving home from work and thinking about how quickly time has flown by. It has been nine years since I last heard from Carlisle Cullen. I sent the letter I had promised him informing him I was not pregnant; he never responded. However, one cannot be sure with a mother like Rene who thinks she is protecting her daughter.

The last memory I have of seeing him still replays in my mind. He looked so lost standing there in the middle of the road that early spring morning. When my old truck finally gave out I junked it, but kept the rear-view mirror. That was the last place I had seen my first love. People may think it's impossible never to be attracted to another man. However, when a love is as strong and bonding as the one I feel for Carlisle, then all other men would only ever be compared to him. They would always come up unfairly short in my heart.

So I still haven't given myself to another man. I haven't found the love my mother promised me would come along, and I never will. I became the teacher I had dreamed of becoming. I'm teaching first grade this year. Whenever I see a little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy I always think of Carlisle. I wonder if he married and had children and what they would look like. Did his father get his way after I left? Did he marry that girl from his church? Did he run away to college and fulfill his dream of being a doctor? There are so many unanswered questions still plaguing my mind.

Some days are worse than others for me, like today for example. I can feel his presence so strongly that I can't resist the two hour drive to Forks. I need to drive by his old house to see if he might possibly be there. I do this more often than I care to admit, usually on a week-end.

He would be almost twenty-eight now. Not that I'm still counting or anything. I only know because we are the same age most of the time. Its odd how, as time goes by, you become more anxious about what you might find if you run into an old love. You dream about the reunion you want, and you worry about the reality that you fear the most. That they have moved on without you, and now you are nothing but a memory.

I finally arrived in the little town of Forks. Two hours just for a drive by, and I won't see anything other than the mail box that still has their name written across it. I turn down that old familiar road and there is a gorgeous blonde haired man who looks a lot like my Carlisle only he's smoking a cigarette. My Carlisle would never smoke.

I turn around in the driveway down the street so I can get another look. This time the man is leaning over the rail looking straight at me. I see his blue eyes and, though he's a little older and looks exhausted, I know it's my Carlisle. I head out of town with a big stupid grin on my face. I finally got to see him again. I reached down to turn the station on the radio and all I remember after that was bright lights and the crunching sound of metal upon metal.

_Carlisle's pov_

My pager started going off and I needed to get to the hospital. I had just left there not three hours ago. I thought moving back to Forks would be a little simpler work wise. I guess it is in some ways, it's not as fast paced as the hospital I had worked at in New York City. However, the problems patients came in with stayed the same. I got into my SUV and started towards the ER.

My father had passed away about a year ago and I didn't want mom to be alone in this big house. So moving here was a vast adjustment from my life in New York, but well worth the trade off. The only thing that I have a hard time shaking is seeing other people living in Bella's old house. There are memories that haunt me here, both good and bad.

I tried to date back in New York; I knew that I would never see Bella again. My letters had all came back 'return to sender' and I knew Rene was behind it somehow. I had driven to that address once and there was no one living there. It had been a rental until they found a permanent residence. I searched the internet while in college trying to find her. It was like she had completely disappeared.

I never made that connection with anyone after Bella left. I have slept with a couple of women. I wanted to find that intense love and passion I had found with Bella, but I never could. Well, enough dwelling in the past I've got a job to do.

I walked into the ER and saw a couple of people that had been in an accident. "Older man, 76, vitals look good but may need a few stitches." The nurse on duty informed me. I peeked in then proceeded to the next room.

"Doctor, here we have a lady, mid twenties, vitals are good on her as well but she seems to have hit her head pretty hard against the driver side window. We think we have most of the glass removed but there's still a pretty big bump on her head. That's why we called you in."

I walked into the small room and was giving her the once over while consulting her chart. There was no name listed, I guess they couldn't locate a proper ID. When she started coming around, I shined my little light in her eyes to check what was going on with them.

"Are you an angel?" she asked.

I chuckled at her. I seem to get that response a lot when people hit their heads; it must be the hair. "No sweetheart, I'm just a lowly doctor taking a look at your head injury."

"You look like an angel...my angel." I chuckled once again.

"Well thank you. Can you tell me your name sweetheart?" I needed to know if she was saying those things as a consequence of her head injury.

"Bella," she answered in a raspy voice.

"Aw, I used to know a girl named Bella." I sighed as I continued on to another question.

"Can you tell me where you are, Bella?" She hadn't been cleaned up properly. There was blood on her face, and I would need to check for more glass surrounding her wound.

"I'm somewhere near Forks." I nodded my yes.

"Are you visiting someone or do you live here?" I asked before turning to the nurse. "Karen can you give her something for pain and try to clean the blood off of her face a little." I said in my professional voice. "Thank You."

"I was doing a drive by," Bella stated.

"Excuse me did you say a drive by, as in shooting?" I said with curious eyes because she either really hit her head hard, or we have a shooter on our hands.

"No, not in shooting, in love" She's not sounding stable here.

"Okay I think maybe a few more tests might be called for. Honey you hit your head pretty hard." I soothed.

"No I'm fine. I know what I'm talking about. I just wanted to see him one more time." Oh my, I can't decide if she is serious or hurt.

"Okay, and did you see him honey." I asked while looking at Karen as she came back with the meds and something to clean the blood up with. I held up my hand for her to stop before she administered the pain medication. I needed to make a decision on her injury.

"Yes I saw him. He was smoking a cigarette." She said just as seriously as she could.

"Do you not like cigarettes, Bella?" I asked.

"He doesn't like them that's the part I didn't get." I was smiling from ear to ear this was becoming rather entertaining.

"Well he must have changed his mind then." I said trying to be a serious doctor but having a hard time not chuckling again at her.

"I guess so." She was starting to get irritated about something. She crossed her arms and huffed. I could only imagine what was going through her mind right now.

"But his eyes were still so blue. I miss him so much sometimes." I could relate to that feeling.

"Then why didn't you stop, sweetheart? If you saw him standing there and wanted to see him all you had to do was simply stop," I said as I started cleaning her face off myself.

"It's complicated" was her only answer.

"Um, life does get rather messy at times doesn't it?" I agreed while checking her wrist to take her pulse. "Can I ask where you got the scar on your wrist?" Then I began dabbing the blood from her face once more.

"It's a love wound. Ouch that hurts doc." Then she reached out and smacked my hand. "Please leave some skin attached to my face." f_eisty much_?

"I apologize. I'm trying to be gentle. You have some pretty nasty scrapes, cuts and bruises there."

"Is there blood, too?" She scrunched her nose a little at the thought.

"Yes that's what I'm trying to get off of you. Then I can see your face and make a better diagnosis."

"Oh I'll be happy to show you a picture if you don't want to wipe it off yourself. I can do it later." I chuckled at her little joke.

"Well it's kind of in my contract to send you out looking better than you came in." I winked.

"In that case can I get a nip and tuck doc?" She tried to smile but winced from the pain. _poor baby_.

"Well I think maybe it's time to give you some pain medication now, Bella. You're not allergic to any kind of drug right?" I asked double checking that what I had read in her chart was accurate.

"Nope, but if I have a bad reaction will you give me mouth to mouth?" she giggled.

"Are you flirting with me?" I asked amused. I nodded for Karen to administer the medication.

"Well either you're not as smart as I thought you were, or I suck at flirting." I laughed out loud at that comment. I then quickly changed the subject.

"Is there anyone whom we can contact for you?" I said as I clicked my pen ready to take down the information.

"Well doc if I'm not going to die, I would prefer to keep my parents out of this. They can be so embarrassing at times" She sighed.

"I understand completely. I need to ask you one more time sweetheart before the medication takes effect, how did you acquire that scar on your wrist?"

"I didn't want to live without him doc. So I said my prayers and he baptized me in a mud hole behind his house when we were seven. I think that's why I didn't die." The room became very quiet as everything she had told me started adding up.

"Bella is your last name Swan?"

She hummed out a yes as the drugs took effect. Now I wish I had waited to give them to her. Bella was doing a drive by to see me, and I was out on my mom's front porch smoking a cigarette. I hated cigarettes but, after she left, I needed a crutch. I've smoked for eight years at least, and I can feel it in my lungs when I breathe at times.

I wonder if she got married. Her name is still Swan. I finished wiping her face off as best I could while she was out. Oh god it was positively my Bella. Had God bought her back to me after so long?

"Doctor your other patient is ready to go home now. Can you sign his release forms so he can leave?" I signed and looked up at the nurse.

"Karen, will you let me know when Miss Swan awakens? I wish to talk to her. I know her."

"That's her last name? We couldn't get a straight answer from her when she came in. I will inform you of any changes Dr. Cullen." I nodded my head.

"Thanks"

A couple of hours later Karen came to find me. "Doctor Cullen, Miss Swan is awake and claiming she saw an angel before." Karen smiled.

"Thank You Karen." I'll just bet she did. I bet she was playing me all along, what a little jokester.

I rushed to Bella's room then paused briefly at her door. I remembered what her mother had said all those years ago about never bothering Bella again. However, I was her doctor and she needed treatment. Rene couldn't argue that point. I pushed the door open and walked in like I owned the place. I was nervous and needed to appear confident.

"Hello Bella are you feeling better?" She smiled at me and played right along.

"Why yes doctor I feel all better now that you're here to save me." Now it was my turn to grin.

"You look very beautiful Bella" I said while pulling up my little stool beside her.

"So do you Carlisle. But, then again, you always were." She reached out her hand and brushed my face. It felt so soft and warm; I closed my eyes and let the feeling take over briefly before asking my next question.

"So you don't like my smoking?" I said as I removed her hand to finish my job. Doctor first, human second, I lifted her chart and began filling in her name.

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I said you didn't like it." She raised that cocky eyebrow at me in true Bella fashion.

"Well I guess that knock to your head wasn't that bad then. Did you know who I was before I realized who you were, Bella?" I asked.

"Well after you stopped shinning that damn light in my eye and I could see again, I read your name tag. Glad your fingers still work after hitting my old truck." We both laughed at that.

"So what do you do for a living now Bella?" I had wondered often if she had followed her dream.

"Oh I'm a school teacher. I teach the lower grades." I felt a sense of pride knowing she had achieved her goal in life.

"How are your parents doing?" I asked trying to be polite.

"They really haven't changed much at all. How are yours Carlisle?"

"We lost dad about a year ago. He had heart trouble but didn't exercise or take his medicine. You know how stubborn he could be at times." She shook her head and I knew she was remembering how he had kept us apart.

"I'm sorry Carlisle." And I could tell she truly was.

"I moved back in with mom so she wouldn't be alone. I gave up a good practice in New York for an ER here in Forks. But it was worth it to know mom wasn't alone." I was looking into her eyes. They were still a beautiful, deep brown.

"Did you ever get married or have children?" Aw, the straightforward approach. I smiled at her, I couldn't help myself.

"No, I tried to have a couple of relationships but I just never could make the connection with either of them. How about you Bella? Did you get married or have children?"

"No" she responded quickly.

"You must have had a relationship with someone at least" I inquired.

"No I didn't. I never fell in love after our, whatever it was, came crashing down."

I know a smile came across my face and I didn't care. Bella was here with me and I wasn't letting her get away this time.

"Bella, how about I spring you from this place? We could get something to eat? I have that kind of power you know?" and I did.

"Let's Go." Her eyes were full of excitement. I helped her up from the bed; there was one small problem. Her clothes were missing. _Damn it_.


	18. Chapter 18

SM: Owns all things Twilight Related.

Between God the Devil and our very Souls

Chapter eighteen

The Diner

After I had received a clean bill of health from Doctor 'Sex me if you please' Cullen. I had to finish filling out accident reports. It seemed that we would never get out of this place and my energy was dropping fast. I had been through a lot and I needed some serious sleep time.

Carlisle hooked me up with a pair of blue hospital scrubs, we now matched. I had gone to the bathroom in an attempt to clean myself up. There was blood in my hair that could not be removed without a shower. I felt disgusting and filthy. This was not the way I had planned our reunion in my mind. I did the best that I could with what little I had to work with. When I came out of the bathroom, Carlisle smiled at me like I was the most beautiful creature that he had ever laid those dreamy blue eyes of his on.

He and I went to one of those 'all night pancake houses' seeing as there were very few choices at such an early hour of the morning. We talked and laughed like we did all those years ago, before our parents had butted into our friendship.

I still remember the feelings of first falling in love with Carlisle. That moment when you look at that person, and you feel butterflies in your stomach. Then you can't look at them, but you don't really understand why that is. I had known him from diapers up, and now he had me feeling shy. He had grown into a man right in front of my very eyes.

I recall that summer when Carlisle had shot up about four inches in height and his whole body had changed from that skinny little boy into a muscular young man. I even spotted the hairs on his chest. I tried not to stare knowing it would make him feel uncomfortable. However, I couldn't stop myself. I felt such a strong pull towards him. I wanted to touch his chest, to run my fingers through the hair that covered it.

Carlisle did notice and I was at a loss for words, so I told him he had something on his shirt. He couldn't find anything and I knew he was on to me. I had been busted staring down his shirt. He ran both hands over his face like he always had whenever he was nervous and I bit my lip, _awkward._

I quickly found that even though you suppress those feelings, they never truly die. They are just there waiting for life to be breathed back into them again. I was once again staring at Carlisle and he was once again running his hands over his face.

I found everything about this man even more fascinating than they were all those years ago. My heart sped up every time he would talk. The sound of his voice sang the sweetest song to my ears. I watched every movement that he made, and I drank in every drop that was Carlisle.

His mouth was so sexy, the way he would wrap his lips around his fork and then lick the syrup off of his lips. I found myself staring at his mouth and wanting to kiss him passionately.

"Bella, what are you thinking about? You have been staring at my chin for at least three minutes. Is there something on it?"

"No Doctor Cullen, I find your chin quite perfect. However, your lips hold my interest at this point."

"Bella, are you flirting with me again?" he asked looking a little shy as he dropped his eyes back down to his plate.

"I'm giving it a hell of a try. Is it working Carlisle?" I said in a low voice, trying to sound sexy but not actually sure of myself. "I really hope it is. I would hate to waste my time by making a fool out of myself." I smiled looking anywhere but straight ahead.

"Bella."

"Yes?"

"It's definitely working," he said running his hands over his face. Love his heart he still did that when he was nervous or flustered.

"So you've been intimate with a couple of women, huh? Did they teach you any good moves?" I teased.

He let out a shaky breathe not sure how to reply to that question seeing as we had been each other's first. So I continued talking. "I was just curious because I really need to get some pointers."

"Bella, what are you trying to say?" he looked up from his plate and directly in my eyes.

"Um, nothing, forget it." I lost my nerve in two seconds flat.

"I trust you know that you can say anything to me. I'm still just Carlisle, only a little more mature."

Okay Bella you haven't seen this man in nine years so what's the big deal? Who knows what will happen from here? So just speak what's on your mind. What's the most he can do? Disappear again.

"I am just going to come straight out and tell you what I am thinking and feeling right now. So here goes. I don't mean to stare at you, but I can't help it. I still think you're a sweet man and so very sexy. I feel this chemistry between us and all I can think about right now is having you again." I finished letting out a gust of air.

"What…now! Aren't you sore Bella?" Carlisle face only held concern for my well being. He wasn't rejecting me, so I smiled and continued.

"I sure hope to be." I smirked.

Carlisle moved from his side of the table to mine and put his arm around me. He took a drink of his orange juice and let out a deep sigh.

"Bella, you scare the hell out of me..." I interrupted him trying to save face.

"I'm sorry Carlisle. I should never have said anything. It was stupid for me to think you would want me that way after everything that has happened in our past." I guess I called that one wrong.

He just shook his head and said, "Can I finish now?" I blushed all over if that were even possible. I nodded my head for him to continue.

"You scare the hell out of me because I want you more than anyone in this world, Bella. I always have and I'm sure I always will. I have dreamed of making love to you for years. I have dreamed about a lot of things. Honestly, knowing that you want me makes my cock so hard it aches. I want to take you right here in this booth, but I know that's wrong. You deserve better than that. Bella, let's do something that we should have done years ago, something that's very impulsive and completely out of our personalities."

"What did you have in mind Carlisle?"

"Let's take a few days to make arrangements and elope. I still want us to be married Bella, more than I have ever wanted anything. I can feel the pull of our hearts trying to be one with our souls and now I know you can feel it too. Can you sense how intense things are between us, even in the air, even now after all these years?"

"You feel it too?" I gasped out.

"YES!" he whisper yelled.

"We can slip over to the courthouse when it opens, purchase our license, and then make an appointment with the J. P. We can take that time in between to make arrangements for the honeymoon. I know it's nothing lavish, but we can re-do everything in a year or so if you want. I just need us to do this without anyone sticking their two cents in beforehand. I'm only getting married once Bella. It's for life for me. What do you say?" He looked into my eyes with so much love and commitment. "Will you marry me, Bella Swan?"

"Fuck yeah!" I shouted before I thought. "I mean, yes, I would love to."

With that Carlisle moved close and pulled me into a kiss that said everything that I had ever wanted to hear. It was long and sweet, and I was in love and marrying the man I had always dreamed of. Life is good.

"But Carlisle, I'm not living with your mother."

**A/N: Just taking the time to say thank you to mizzdee my Beta for all of her hard work. :) She is a writer as well, check her stories out under 'mizzdee'. Thanks.**


	19. Chapter 19

SM Owns all things Twilight

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

Chapter 19

Making Plans for Forever

_Bella's POV_

So Carlisle and I are going to get married after all of these years apart. It all feels like a dream come true in many ways. However, with those dreams come the realities were in lays the complications. Carlisle and I both decided to prepare a separatelist of things that needed to be worked out before we do this.

When I had said I wasn't living with his mother, he had just nodded his head in understanding. There was a storm brewing behind his eyes though, and I knew it concerned her. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't afraid she was going to cause us a dilemma, even now_. And she doesn't even know about my being back in Carlisle's life yet._

I rented a motel room for the weekend plus Monday, so we can journey over to the court house to apply for our marriage license and set the first available date. It is now Saturday evening, and I am leaving to meet him just outside of town for dinner. He's coming from the hospital as he was called in only a couple of hours after we parted early this morning. I feel bad for him suggesting that he should sleep. However, he insisted over the phone that he wanted to see me more than anything.

_The Dinner conversation_

Once I arrive, I find Carlisle seated at a corner booth, coffee in hand. His eyes are droopy and he looks as if he may just fall asleep on the table. I walk over to my sleepy doctor smiling and giving him a delicate kiss on his lips.

"You can do far better than that Bella," he says as he grabs my hand pulling me forward bringing me in for a much juicer kiss. Once those warm sexy lips touch mine I am left weak in the knees and breathless as a teenager after necking in the front seat of her boyfriend's car outside of her daddy's house. He draws me in beside him, wrapping me up in his strong arms. A sense of pride fills my heart and mind. God I love this man so much. Looking up and meeting his eyes, I feel shy and Carlisle senses it. He grins and pulls me even tighter to him as the waitress strolls over to take our order.

"How was the rest of your day, Bella?" he asks in a soft low voice.

"Well I know I got more sleep then you did. Carlisle, I feel horrible about your lack of rest." He chuckled at that.

"I get more rest now than I ever did in New York. It's just part of the job, Bella. You'll need to get used to that_." Oh, I can get use to a lot of things doctor 'please bang me in this booth' Cullen._

"So speaking of jobs, that's one of the things we need to discuss with my living two hours away and school still being in session for three more months," I stated. I wanted to get these hurdles over with. I was anticipating there would be compromises made on both parts. To be honest, I was skirting around the big issue of his mother, fearing his response.

"I can't leave Forks. You do fully realize that don't you? I have to stay close to the hospital Bella. Can you work out a leave of absence at your school and perhaps transfer down to Forks or some school nearby here? It just wouldn't make much sense for you to spend four hours a day on the highway commuting back and forth."

So he had thought about that as well. I should have known he would have, as intelligent as he certainly is. I'll bet his list is in his head where as I, being a teacher, write everything down and organize it.

"You wouldn't even have to work if you didn't want to," he said as he gave me a little squeeze of encouragement. "I make good money being a doctor; you could do whatever you wanted to," he offered.

"I like my job Carlisle and I'm not ready to quit just yet," I smiled. He nodded his head in understanding.

"Well would you take a leave of absence and try to transfer down here then? I don't want to be separated from you after we're married. Ten years was long enough. We need to work together on things if we are going to be married."

Okay so possibly he was right about that part, and if I commit here then he can give in the area it counts most, his mother and her house.

"Alright Carlisle, I hate doing that on such short notice. Nevertheless, I'll have whatever time there is in between to process things out with the school. I've never missed a day. That's why I had no problem securing Monday off when I called the principal at her home today."

This made Carlisle smile, which in return made my stomach fill with butterflies. How does he do that? He leaned downward and kissed me once more and pride ran throughout my entire being. I wanted people to see that this man belonged completely to me, hands off bitches; I'm not bellow biting them.

The waitress delivered our food and we began to eat. Carlisle had the next question prepared for me.

"I'm assuming that you're not on birth control of any type." He then smiled broadly knowing that I had never been with another man other than him. I grinned back at him and answered.

"No, I had no need to be," I said while taking a bite of my meatloaf.

"When was your last check-up?" Always the doctor.

"I guess it was about two years ago." And cue the doctor's frown and disappointment.

"Bella, how can a smart woman such as yourself manage to let something that important slip their mind?"

"It didn't slip my mind per se; it's just very uncomfortable and embarrassing."

"Well then I am going to make you an appointment on Monday. We'll take care of that immediately." I frowned at him for this. He was getting a little too pushy here for my taste. I am an adult and I can take care of making my own appointments, thank you very much. I just hadn't done it for awhile.

"I have my own doctor, and I'll just make an appointment with her, whenever I get back." He gave me a disbelieving look. "I will I promise. What kind of birth control do you recommend?"

"You still want to have children with me, I'm assuming," he said grinning. "Hand me my coffee as I run out the door and kiss you goodbye?" Awe he remembered that.

"You know I do Carlisle," I answered beaming.

"Okay so a couple of years after we're married, we should be good and settled into our lives. We can start a family than if you are in agreement." He looked at me from where we sat staring into my eyes and trying to hold back a smile. I could tell he was very happy with the direction this was going.

"Sounds perfect," I smirked.

We finished eating our dinner discussing small matters that were easily worked out between us. The big pink elephant though, she still sat hugely in between us. I knew we were going to have a problem with this issue.

After we had finished our dinner we walked out to our cars. He opened the door to his and asked me to sit with him for a few minutes. This was it. This was the moment that someone needed to give in respectfully, Carlisle began to speak first.

"Bella about my mother," he sighed. "There may be a problem among us concerning her."

"Carlisle," I said arching my eyebrow at him. "Please don't do this to us. Hum, would you like to live with my mother Carlisle? I mean she was very instrumental there at the end, hammering in the final nail that ended our relationship," I pointed out.

"I am aware of that sweetheart. I lived with it too you know. Nevertheless, I did make her a promise, and I made you one as well. I don't want to have to make a choice involving the two of you. I would, of course, select you. However, if something was to happen to mother, I would have to live with that, knowing I had broken my promise to her." He looked out of the windshield and I could both see and hear the worry that consumed him.

"I thought this was supposed to be the part where we would compromise. It feels like I am the one giving everything up here, Carlisle." Yes I was beginning to get a little irritated with him.

He changed position and looked at me and I melted that very second. "I want this Bella. I want us to be married and have a family. I want to label you as my wife and give you the world. I don't know what else to do here; if you don't want to try with mother then I will deal with her myself. I would like to believe that, after all of these years, you two can build a relationship. She's different without father."

"How will I ever be able to deny you anything?" Carlisle chuckled.

"I'm sure you'll figure that one out. Most women do from what I understand," he said shaking his head and smiling. "Does this mean yes? You'll try."

"Of course … I love you."

"I love you, sweetheart." Then he pulled me into another long kiss.

As our lips pulled away, he had a question of his own to ask.

"Do you want to make love before or after we are married? We can use a condom if you want to beforehand," he said a little shyly without looking directly at me.

"Let's wait; I want us to be officially married this time," I said touching his face so he would look at me. I hope I can wait it out; he is very handsome and seductive without even trying to be.

"Okay sweetheart, you can be my blushing little bride first," he said sleepily.

"If you want to come over to the motel and sleep there tonight you are more than welcome. You look like you're ready to drop."_ My poor baby_.

"Okay that might work better and I could stay close to you; hold you while I fall asleep."

"Okay, let's go then."

Carlisle slept solid that night and well until noon the next day. I lay there beside him the whole time. His cell phone had been going off since nine this morning. I had looked at the caller ID to see that it said 'mom' and I didn't dare to answer that. If it would have been the hospital, I would have awoken him.

"Bella," he said all huskily from sleeping. "I sincerely hope they have an opening tomorrow after we get out marriage license. I like waking up next to you. Do you care if I stay tonight as well? I promise I'll behave myself," he snickered.

"You can remain for the rest of our lives, sweetheart," I said leaning in for a kiss good morning. I just know we will always be as happy as we are now.


	20. Chapter 20

I Own Nothing

**Thank You Mizzdee for being my awesome beta and friend.**

Between God the Devil and Our Very Souls

Chapter 20

Mother

Carlisle's POV

Bella and I have been married for five months now. She was gracious enough to take leave from her teaching job until she could get a job locally. She didn't want to have to commute two hours before and after the school day back to Forks. I was happy about that as well given my crazy schedule at the hospital.

I was so happy to have my long lost love back and proud to be called her husband. I should have listened to her though whenever she said she wasn't living with my mother. However, I had made my mother a promise that I would stay with her so she wouldn't be alone. Bella conceded to my wish to remain home with mother. To say that it's been a nightmare would be an understatement because at least you can you wake up from one those.

Mother and Bella quarreled constantly, every time I would come home from work, they would both meet me at the door. Not with a kiss the way I had visualized the two most important women in my life would. Instead they met me with complaints about one another. The pure hatred that radiated between them was extremely heavy. It had gotten to the point that I didn't even want to come home from the hospital anymore because I didn't want to deal with their insignificant arguments. Within the last month, I have spent less and less time at home.

Eventually, Bella stopped meeting me at the front door, but mom never failed at it. I thought my new bride had finally learned to let things slide off of her back. Take mother with a grain of salt. I was happy about this, for awhile.

Bella had not only stopped complaining about mother. She rarely talked at all, instead choosing to lose herself in a book and drifting off into her fantasy world. She's barley kissed me within these last few weeks much less made love to me. I tried most every night and she would just shake her head 'no' never even bothering to fake a headache. I should have seen the danger signs in Bella. I mean after all she was different, but she was the same. She had become withdrawn and cold to me. She barely ate, and she was losing weight fast.

Mother complained when Bella had tried to help her around the house and then complained that she got no help at all. It wasn't like Bella could do anything correctly in my mother's eyes. I thought it was just an adjustment period, and I was wrong.

Bella left to see her mother for the weekend, and she hadn't returned. So I made the call that I was dreading. If she had left me then I wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Is Bella there Rene? She's not answering her cell phone." I heard her put her hand over the phone as she checked with Bella.

"_Bella its Carlisle, do you want to talk to him?" _Then there was the rustling of the phone before Bella answered.

"Hello," Bella greeted and I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was choked up and trying not to cry. I recognize this because I had heard that sound a lot since we had gotten married.

"Bella, I was worried something had happened to you."

"No Carlisle I'm fine." _Fine, _how many times had I heard that word over the last few weeks?

I inhaled a deep breath before asking my next question.

"Bella when are you coming home, honey?"

There was a long pause and a garbled sound from her sob.

"I am home Carlisle. I can't take it there anymore. I've tried," she sobbed.

"You don't love me anymore Bella? After all the years we yearned and longed for each other? And in only a few months you don't love me anymore?

"Sometimes leaving a situation has nothing to do with being in love, Carlisle."

"Then what exactly does it have to do with?" I asked stupidly.

"If I have to explain things to you then you're either so intelligent that you have no common since, or you haven't been paying attention at all," she sniffed.

"I have been paying attention Bella. You never even talk to me, and you're as cold as ice to me physically. Am I really that bad of a lover for you?"

"You're a very good lover Carlisle; you're a very good man, for that matter. I understand your loyalty as well. It's a quality at this point that I both admire and detest. It's what forced me to make this decision in the first place."

"Meaning my mother?"

"Yes Carlisle. I know you get exhausted of hearing us both complain the minute you walk through the door. You shouldn't have to deal with that. I know you're tired when you come home. I also know that you choose to come home late, most nights, sometimes even after we've gone to bed just to keep from having to deal with it. I didn't want to put any more pressure on you, so I just shut up and took it until I couldn't bear it any longer.

"Bella."

"No Carlisle listen, please," she pleaded softly. "For the first time in months the heaviness has been lifted from my shoulders. When I came to visit mom I felt free from all the pressure I feel there. So I decided to stay. I need peace as much as you do, please understand."

_Don't leave me_.

"Bella we made a commitment to one another. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" I choked out.

"I take those vows very seriously Carlisle and you have to know this is killing me inside. However, if I stay there much longer I'm afraid I'll do something stupid.

"How so, Bella?"

"I really don't believe I need to spell it out for you. I need some time away from the situation with your mother?"

"Bella please don't do this to us," I pleaded.

"I don't feel like I have a choice in this Carlisle."

"How long?" I sobbed.

"I can't honestly answer that. I need time to think." She answered hesitantly.

"Please Bella," I begged as my voice begin to shake.

"I need to go. I'll talk to you soon okay?" She promised.

"Okay, I love you."

"I know. I love you too," and then she hung up the phone.

Having Bella in my life once more even though we had our problems had made my heart feel whole again. She was my absent puzzle piece. I hung up the phone and felt the tears as they streaked down my face. My mother then walked through the doorway; no doubt wanting to know what had occurred.

"Carlisle what happened. What has that dreaded girl done to you now?" I just threw my hands in the air and walked away from her. When I had gotten half way up the stairs I turned and decided to confront her.

"Mother, do my choices mean anything to you at all?" I asked.

"Well of course Carlisle you are a much respected Christian and Doctor in this community."

"And what of my choice in a wife? Why have you never respected that?" I questioned.

"It was cursed from the start. From the time you were small. She's crazy Carlisle and I am afraid to be alone in the same house with her," she stated with conviction. Oh I cannot deem she is honestly saying these things to me.

"_What?" _I asked not believing my ears.

She's not right in the head Carlisle. I think she must have gone too long without oxygen when she tried to kill herself all of those years ago. I'm old now son and I am frightened, she will lose her mind again and hurt me." Oh no, _she is serious_.

"And did you say this to her?" I questioned.

"Yes, a couple of times."

"If you were so afraid of her then why would you say something that might provoke her, mother?" I asked with irritation lacing my voice.

"I was letting her know that I was on to her, and I needed to put up a strong front. However, I worried that during the night, she might kill us both in our sleep." I had to laugh at the audacity of that statement. I believe my mother was the one needing to visit the Looney bin.

"Well mother I guess you got your wish. You can feel safe again because Bella is gone and I am crushed once more. Thanks for sticking your nose in my relationship and breaking up my marriage," I scoffed.

"I was only trying to protect you from that little whore Carlisle."

"She is no whore mother. I am the only man she has ever been with," I seethed between clenched teeth.

"So she says." Mother retorted folding here arms in disgust.

"I am a doctor mother. I know those sorts of things. I understand a woman's body and how it works. They do teach such things in medical school you know?" I said being a smart ass.

"Hump, even so, I am truly happy she is gone. Now it can be just the two of us again son. The way it was meant to be."

"Are you, in fact, this evil mother? That you would want your only son to be alone in his lifetime without a wife and children of his own?"

"Evil? Your father would roll over in his grave if he heard you speak to me this way."

"Yes …Yes I suppose he would indeed." I said walking up the stairs into the bedroom Bella and I had shared together. I cried myself to sleep that night. I heard mother as she paced back and forth in front of my door. I suppose that she had heard me at some point or another and I hoped she felt as hurt as I did.

I knew what I needed to do. I would have to break the promise I made to my mother in order to keep the vow I had made to my tender wife. I loved her and I feared she wouldn't love me any longer since I hadn't stood up for her to mother. I would work this all out with my wife tomorrow after I called off work from the hospital.

**Sorry I skipped the vows and honeymoon. But everyone knows what happened...giggles.**


	21. Chapter 21

SM: Owns all things Twilight related

Between God the Devil and our Very Souls

Chapter 21

Final Chapter

**A/N: This is the final Chapter for this story. I'm sorry it has taken me so many months to finish it.**

**If you find mistakes it's simply because I didn't want to bother my beta Mizzdee because she has three amazing stories going on at once. I also didn't want to bother my pre-reader as she is having a horrible day. So all faults are at my hands and I apologize in advance. Thanks for all the love this story has received. ****Diane :)**

**CPOV**

The following day I called the hospital and informed them I would be using a couple of my personal days. I then quickly got into my car and made the two hour journey to Charlie and Rene's house. I dreaded facing Rene but what choice did I have if I wanted Bella back. It was mandatory, after all, that I do this in person.

When I arrived, I walked to their front door and rang the bell with my heart in my throat. To my great relief Bella opened the door. She looked so sad behind her eyes, and I could tell she was aching as much as I was. I would do whatever it took to make things right between us again.

I stepped forward and grasped her tightly bringing her securely against my chest and into a passionate embrace. It was stocked with as many feelings as I could convey to her. After holding her, I looked into her beautiful tear filled face, and I softly kissed her sweet lips.

"We belong together, Bella. I have failed you greatly as a husband. Can you ever forgive my foolishness?" I implored.

"I love you, Carlisle. Forgiveness was never the issue between us." I knew as long as she still loved me anything was possible.

"Can we go somewhere and openly talk in private?" I asked. "I have some things I need desperately to say to you."

"Okay." She answered as we walked out behind her parent's house and sat in their big cushioned swing together, looking deeply into each other's eyes and smiling. I knew she wasn't lying when she told me she loved me. I could see it all over her face. And I loved her just as much.

"I'm deeply sorry, Bella. I don't know what else I could possibly state that would express the profoundness of what I'm feeling, sweetheart." I paused, "I spoke with mother last night, and I wasn't aware of some of the ignorant things she had expressed concerning you. I hope you didn't believe a single word she uttered, Bella. There simply was no truth in any of it."

"Carlisle, I know I'm not crazy, and I certainly wouldn't harm another soul. If I were going to hurt someone you know it would be myself," she sighed. "But to be honest, I'm exhausted from just existing in the same house with her… I'm sorry." Bella said sincerely.

"I know, and I want to fix this…fix us." I answered motioning between us with my pointer finger.

Bella smiled the most precious smile when I said those words. Hope sprung to life in her eyes and at that very moment I knew in my heart that we were going to be fine.

"I want us to purchase our own home. You can pick it, whatever you want," I promised.

"Okay, that's a positive step," she agreed. She was ready to start the hunt for _our _new home.

"And I want us to make love again. I miss you. I miss your touch." I indeed missed all those things and more.

"I wasn't trying to punish you Carlisle, if that's what you are thinking. I was simply protecting myself from what I knew was going to happen. I didn't plan to leave you that day. I had come here to visit. However, when I arrived here I just felt so enlightened. I felt like I could breathe and walk around this house without the impression, I might need to tip-toe around anyone. Can you possibly understand that?"

"I believe I can." I answered while lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply. I needed the crutch it provided me. "Will you come back with me until we can obtain a house of our own?"

"No Carlisle, I won't come back until we have our own house. You understand as well as I do that she will blame me for your leaving. I won't put myself into that position with her. She puts me through a lot of hell whenever you're at work. Hell that I don't feel I deserve."

"Okay baby." I said and I couldn't stop the tears as they started to fall. I didn't want to be without her.

"Please don't cry. sweetheart. You know I love you and I want to be with you just as much as you do me. Love will hold us together."

And it did.

I coped with my mother, and I dealt with the guilt and the blame she bestowed upon me. I would not allow her to bad mouth my wife while I continued to live there either. I paid the bills, and I had a right to speak my mind as much as she did. I disliked hurting her but she needed to be told the truth. She had been the one to run Bella and I both out of her house. Mother needed to accept that.

Bella selected a lovely house, and we moved into it within six weeks. She decorated it to her liking, and it felt warm and homey. We settled into our new lives together… and we were happy.

**Bella's POV**

Carlisle and I have been very happily married for fifteen years now. We have two daughters, fourteen and twelve. They look like Carlisle and they have a lot of his ways about them. Rosalie is our bible thumper on a mission to save the world from sin. She has gotten a lot of the young teenage boys into our church, although I'm not sure if they are coming for the correct reasons. Most of them seem a little love struck by her beauty.

Our second daughter we named Charity. On the day she was born Carlisle quoted from the bible… "And the greatest of these gifts is Charity." But Charity wasn't as generous as her name suggested her to be. She was a brain type of child, always questioning everything and everyone. Even as a small child she could make us adults reconsider our own opinions. She really got under Carlisle's mother's skin, a lot. We never stopped her though. Not because we were trying to be mean to Carlisle's mother, but because we weren't going to suppress our children in any negative way.

They both, however, have their father twisted around their little fingers. When he comes home, they always beat me to the front door to hug him. He loves it though and he consistently has a big smile plastered across his face. All the daddy love, leaves mommy feeling a little left out at times. Carlisle always recognizes when I'm feeling that way through and is swift to correct it. He'll pull me close to him and give me a long kiss. Then sometimes if he isn't extremely tired from his day, he'll follow me into the kitchen and peel some potatoes or something for me. He'll tell me about something silly to make me laugh, and he always reminds me, of how much he appreciates me.

We decided to try for a little boy, and we were blessed with one. He's two years old and he is a mommy's boy. Finally, I get the love! We named him Emmett; don't ask me why it just seemed like the perfect name for him. He looks and acts like me and in his eyes; there is no human being as wonderful as his mommy.

Don't worry I'm not going to turn into Carlisle's mom over him. Although, for the first time, I do understand a little of why she was so possessive of Carlisle. It will be tough to let go of my little boy when the time comes. However, God help me, I will do it because all I want in this world is for my children to be blessed with everything that's good in life.

Carlisle never became a preacher. However, he did become a Deacon in our community church. Once in awhile he would lead service as well. That was truthfully the only time his mother and I connected. We were both extremely proud of Carlisle. He has the passion in his voice of a preacher. However, he also had the degree in his hands to be a physician to the sick. When people would ask Carlisle would pray for them in the hospital he did and without pause. Most of the time they would recover too. However, there were a few lives that were lost along the way. Carlisle said sometimes healing comes in death. That part just spooks me.

_Ten years later_

We are lying to rest Carlisle's mother today. It has been a long, tough road filled with agony for her. We put aside our critical feelings for each other years ago so I could help her without being uncomfortable.

My Parents also passed away within fifteen years of each other. My mother had a sudden heart attack that took her life unexpectedly. We were all shocked and I was lost without my mother for many years. My father died quietly one cold wintery evening from complications concerning his heart as well. He never did anything to treat it. He said he wanted life to take its course naturally, and it had.

It's amazing really, how we all quickly move up in the line for death. First we lose out grandparents, and then are parents. Reality at some point comes crashing down around you as you initially begin to realize that you're next, if the order of life holds true. In some ways, you want to be next because no one ever wants to bury their child.

Our children are all grown now and living respectable lives. Rosalie became a missionary and travels around the world. She's so much like her father, desperate to spare everyone she can save.

Charity got married at eighteen to the typical boy next door. And no, we didn't try and stop them. They love each other dearly and true love is hard to find in today's world. We paid for the wedding and the honeymoon. And after all these years they still remain happy, and they have always had our blessing!

Emmett is now in college…although I'm not sure if he knows why he's there. He had more trouble leaving the nest than the girls ever did. Even so, I have to encourage him to stay there. He needs to find his way in life. It's his right and I will not hold him back.

**CPOV…** _twenty five years later_

My Bella has been ill for the last four years now. We've known the day would soon come for her passing, so we transported her home from the hospital to breathe her last breath in comfortable surroundings. We're elderly now and getting weary. I know Bella is ready to go home, and I want to go with her. I don't want to face the rest of my existence without her in it. I need to go with her, and I've been praying that God will take me when he acquires her as well.

The children are all home with us and the sounds of all of our grandchildren are heavenly in our ears. "Bella, do you hear those little grand babies' sweetheart?" I asked as I rubbed her forehead with cold water.

"Um," she groaned out and tried to smile. She loves those babies as much as I do. Okay, so maybe some of them aren't exactly babies anymore but in our eyes, they will always remain our babies they'll always remain our gifts of love from God and each other.

I took Bella's vitals for the last time, and they were faint. Her time is at hand, so I said a prayer for her and I laid down beside her praying that God will answer my prayer to leave hand in hand with my wife. I heard the grandchildren laughing from a distance as I closed my eyes. I heard Rosalie begin singing from inside our bedroom. I could hear the tears in her voice and the pain in her heart was immense. She knew we wanted to die together. That we even wanted to share the same urn because we are as one person. We don't desire to be separated.

I felt hands touch me, and I knew they were all my children's. I knew they were comforting their mother as well. I felt satisfied and peaceful as I looked up and saw the most beautiful angels approaching me and my wife. They reached out their hands for Bella and I, and we took them…grateful to be going home together.

**The End**


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